tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49617236010628025652024-03-05T19:58:50.479+00:00Whilst In EnglandAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.comBlogger115125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-78287009571282788112014-07-14T15:27:00.002+01:002014-07-14T15:27:50.060+01:00Bullet pointsAfter the quick decision came quick(ish) action - I've booked my flight home. Yay! I'll be on Australian soil on Wednesday the 17th of September. Unfortunately my excitement for going home is barely audible underneath a forceful surge of homesickness. I suspect that booking the flight is what caused it, but if that's not the case I'm glad I booked when I did, for if I'd left it any later I might have been on the next plane outta here. There's more I've got to do here before I leave. There's a baby I wanna meet and places I wanna see, not to mention friends I'm not wanting to leave.<br />
But mostly I just wanna go home. I miss my family more than ever.<br />
<br /><br />
Four more weeks then I'm done with the office. (Yippee!)<br />
Moving house on Friday to live with another couple from church and their little one, as the couple I'm living with now are having their own little one. Yes of course I've given them name suggestions. Yes of course.<br />
Gonna visit a friend in Belfast with a friend next month.<br />
Might go on a camp or two.<br />
<br /><br />
That's all the news at the moment.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-68783006638099319132014-06-28T10:36:00.001+01:002014-06-28T10:36:36.642+01:00Mid Year ReviewRecently my plans for the year went under review. Normally when this happens it takes weeks of deliberating and worrying and talking (my housemates deserve a medal for patience) and when I finally make a decision it takes another three weeks to feel that it was the right one. But last Saturday I went to the toilet then washed my hands then stared at myself in the mirror and began a conversation... through it I accepted that I don't want to travel Europe this year, I just want to go home. The idea of roaming a continent on my own biding my time before I get to be in Armidale with my family and friends again sounds like a lonely, stressful adventure. I wouldn't be able to appreciate it at all - I'd only be doing it because I felt that I should while I have the time and money. I know that I used to write that I was frustrated because I didn't have the cash, well I changed my mind, I just want to go home. I'll go home and then save up to come back and visit the UK and do Europe. That's the plan.<br />
<br />
So I'm thinking mid September. That's three and a half months away, though heaven knows it could change again. My work contract ends on August 8 and at the moment I can't see myself accepting any more work if it were to come up, so over August I will see some more of the UK and find interesting things to do that don't involve digital screens (meaning I won't just watch TV all the days).<br />
<br />
To any UK friends who will read this, please don't take it personally that I'm leaving sooner. I have had such a good time here and whenever I look on flight booking websites I get teary because it's going to be so hard to leave this behind. Anybody knows that I love my church here. Some days when I consider how I'll have to say goodbye I wish I had never come because I don't want my friendships here to fizz out - hell, some of you are like family to me and I'll miss you so badly. But the reality is I believe that coming to the UK was one of the best things I ever did and I'm so grateful for all the beautiful people I've come to know. And I haven't left yet!!<br />
<br />
To my Australian friends and family, without contradicting the above paragraph, I can hardly wait....!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-22095074909100574472014-05-28T12:05:00.002+01:002014-05-28T12:06:30.854+01:00Things To DoSince I turned 21 I've felt the presence of a dangerous and daring task looming overhead, and today I thought to myself I ought to uncover the sacred commandments to remind myself... What I had forgotten was that there was a time limit. I have less than three months to accomplish this mission appointed to me by my dear friends back in Australia... details as follows:<br />
<br />
<u>Things To Do When You're 21</u><br />
1. Cartwheel down a hill<br />
2. Make a prank call pretending you are a telemarketer<br />
3. Sing "Call Me Maybe" in a public place<br />
4. Eat a Mars Bar sandwich<br />
5. Get a fake tattoo and wear it on your knee<br />
6. Get a cheap canvas and create a self portrait<br />
7. Insert "Today I put a raisin up my nose" in a blog post<br />
8. Trace around your hand, write your name in it, then walk up to a stranger, give it to them and say "This is a high 5!"<br />
9. Talk in a thick English accent for a whole day (or as long as you can)<br />
10. Memorise Psalm 25<br />
11. Go 3 three days in a row without the internet<br />
12. Find something outside (eg. rock) and paint it green with a black smiley face :)<br />
13. Pick/buy a flower for a stranger<br />
14. Listen to "I'm Bringing Sexy Back" every day for a week<br />
15. Take a selfie in a public place, with your tongue out.<br />
16. Write a song (and record it)<br />
17. Write a note and put it in a bottle<br />
18. Make a white shirt with a tea cup on it and Skype Sarah whilst wearing it<br />
19. Find 3 different things to be thankful for each day<br />
20. Eat a teaspoon of cinnamon<br />
21. Complete scavenger hunt attached<br />
<br />
<u>Scavenger Hunt:</u> (we shall call them 1b etc.)<br />
1b. A photo of a favourite new food you've had overseas<br />
2b. Write a letter to yourself saying how you honestly feel about life, God, friends, family etc.<br />
3b. A small souvenir from a tourist shop<br />
4b. A coin that you found<br />
5b. A photo with a new friend<br />
6b. A shoelace<br />
7b. A sticker that captures your personality<br />
8b. Something green<br />
9b. Something that makes you laugh<br />
10b. A drawing of something you will miss<br />
<br />
I'm tempted to declare that 7 is technically completed, but I know that's not the true spirit of the quest. The problem is, I don't want to allow any lies onto this blog so I'm actually going to have to put a raisin up my nose. Or get someone else to, and then tell me about it so I can write about it. Or, I could always stick the words "Imagine if"in front...<br />
<br />
9 may actually happen some time soon. I wouldn't say mine is thick, but I've definitely got one.<br />
<br />
13 has been done recently - I picked a flower and when my friend didn't want it I gave it to a little toddler who smiled shyly and walked away. But I could do it again.<br />
<br />
18 has context, which makes me smile.<br />
<br />
19 is a bit of a problem - I've kind of started a bit late. But I'm gonna need to have 1,095 things by the time I'm 22. It's definitely doable though.<br />
<br />
And 21 should be fun! 7b is gonna be tricky.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-44670964450723547062014-05-10T23:44:00.001+01:002014-05-10T23:44:48.420+01:00A Year LaterThe 11th of May is the anniversary of my arrival in the UK. Can you believe it?! I don't know if I can. It's an hour to midnight and I'm dying to reactivate my facebook account so that I can share a celebratory status - but how sad is that? It doesn't matter how many people like the fact that I survived a year on my own in a foreign country (though not that foreign when they speak your language... mostly); I need to figure out how I feel first. <div><br></div><div>Was it a year wasted? Definitely not. I know I've wasted some of the year, but I'm not that hung up on it because we only do what we can at the time. I have learnt and grown so much. I know I've changed, and not all for the better. But I'm closer to something. Have I sorted out my life yet? Definitely not. Lets not even open that can of worms today.</div><div><br></div><div>I am still an Aussie. I'm fully aware of my parasitical London accent habits and all the British idioms that sneak their way into my speech - 'have you not?'; 'brill'; 'Hoover' and all that rubbish ('rubbish') - but I still think and act like I always did. In fact, any distinguishing feature of my personality (such as my charming tendency for bossiness and opinionatedness) has most likely been amplified since being unique here has encouraged me to be even more so. With the possible exception of my sarcastic nature - I had to tone that down a little to make friends. Now that I've got them, though, I can say what I want... (That was sarcasm. But it's true as well.)</div><div><br></div><div>And now it's 11:30pm. At this point in the composition of a post I would naturally flow into a theological or existential reflection, and bring you into the miserable world of my circular inner debate. I've started several paragraphs of this kind but it's late and I'm tired and it's too hard to think about. I've got a switchfoot song in my head because I've been playing it on repeat, it's called: 'Where I Belong.' I don't know where home is right now, and I'm scared that I won't be happy anywhere. But happiness is fleeting. I want to live in full conviction of the true purpose of life and be fully satisfied. Or at least, be able to believe it even when I feel lost. I wish God was that big and that good. I wish I could believe it. Then maybe I could come to love a God who is the reason I'm alive. But the way I see it, God is the reason that many, many people are not alive. How can he be a good god?</div><div><br></div><div>Oh I did it anyway. I should have just gone to bed.</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-81593627275646245742014-05-06T16:02:00.000+01:002014-05-06T16:21:20.910+01:00May Day ListWith less than a year to go on my visa, it's time to start a list of all the things I need to do before I go back to Australia. I'll call it the May Day List and you can access it <a href="http://whilst-in-england.blogspot.co.uk/p/may-day-list.html" target="_blank">here</a>, or by the link on the left side column. If you think of anything please post a comment (you can post anonymously!) I've barely got anything so far so do help me out.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-87619875001239005062014-04-30T18:29:00.000+01:002014-04-30T18:29:22.249+01:00Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?When I started this job, it was 6 weeks of temporary work. I was expecting to have to go on the hunt again for something that would tie me over till the end of the year, and I was dreading being unemployed again. I was frustrated that I might not be able to travel before I went home due to lack of cash.<br />
My job is still carrying on, though, at 2 days a week which is ideal for studying and doing life. My contract is now until June 13th. I'm very grateful! As my mum said, God continues to provide. I'm much less stressed about my future. Now I begin to consider what I will juggle later on in the year in terms of uni, other work, travel, etc. And of course, the big decision of when to move home. November is still the most likely candidate.<br />
<br />
Uni is going OK, I'm terribly undisciplined and last minute; but for me it's not about the marks. I just want to teach one day, and that's the only thing that gets me to work.<br />
<br />
Ironically, at the Christian convention in Wales, I spent no time at all on my own reflecting on what I was hearing in the bible talks and where I was at with God. Before you frown and ask why, please step into my head for a minute. I am <i>constantly</i> thinking about the meaning of existence and trying to figure out who I am and what I'm supposed to do to live a purposeful and genuine life. My emotions and my reasoning debate the significance of good and evil and I am trying so hard to wrap my head around the big questions of the bible. I get myself into knots. I get down. It's a heavy burden that I find hard to ignore. But in Wales, I spent time with fantastic people, all day every day, I was at the beach out of the city and there was not a dull moment. I had no chance to think. So I stepped out of my philosophical obsessions and just enjoyed myself. I had a break from my mind. It was wonderful, and as soon as I was home I sat on the stairs for an hour wishing I wasn't alone yet. I was supposed to have sorted out my whole life in that week, but instead, much to my delight, I had days of happiness. And since I got back, things have been working themselves out - for example, the extra work, and a place to live when my "housies'" baby comes (a family at church kindly offered to have me)...<br />
<br />
I want answers to my questions. I do. But in some ways, I just need to be patient and let life happen and answer them for me. OK, so some of the talks I went to were on Providence, and I did take stuff away from them that I hope is true. That God is in the detail.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-88441923576059167382014-04-23T13:03:00.000+01:002014-04-23T13:07:23.099+01:00North WalesFirst the photos. There are a lot of them. It was hard to decide which ones to include.<br />
<br />
We stayed at a place called Prestatyn, in a caravan park near the beach.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyKx7_i5bT2xN1t5F46QicLdMKT_CMhc59i1Bk7pTosK9-mJirvfRMcD5o-jC_4RbGWo0HyI9it-n7d3pWv080QvW5U-XlYNo4ULpCDmtTLLaLLt9OMQBOOuKMpiLtLTUPtr0asI1bfvWZ/s1600/IMG_3162.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyKx7_i5bT2xN1t5F46QicLdMKT_CMhc59i1Bk7pTosK9-mJirvfRMcD5o-jC_4RbGWo0HyI9it-n7d3pWv080QvW5U-XlYNo4ULpCDmtTLLaLLt9OMQBOOuKMpiLtLTUPtr0asI1bfvWZ/s1600/IMG_3162.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hey Dad! Look! Tamworth!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2Of48St_ZQOAx9PvyGEAOcFzX_2L_OOMEpAkDbZcH7kwH-abAyzOkBeoQiAXqbRvQPXlzvC8OsvctoZCCK9MyMogV8FAvbtTCu3H38R5oURqg6XGtmJY3Lb60C-gP2thm07NTlevR5KWo/s1600/IMG_3164.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2Of48St_ZQOAx9PvyGEAOcFzX_2L_OOMEpAkDbZcH7kwH-abAyzOkBeoQiAXqbRvQPXlzvC8OsvctoZCCK9MyMogV8FAvbtTCu3H38R5oURqg6XGtmJY3Lb60C-gP2thm07NTlevR5KWo/s1600/IMG_3164.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There's a lighthouse, real small</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSkv3jE9aA3QsknmCqpTuhW0otJ7hmZPCHydU39HuYgD8Mk12BDnUS5IDuNxXbybsHsZwG4x0dSR2qVWGo0M9ADJiWpzOLqGHOf0dghrfI794GKz7gz8525bxFz81SrZ2kAQsEiVayycii/s1600/IMG_3168.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSkv3jE9aA3QsknmCqpTuhW0otJ7hmZPCHydU39HuYgD8Mk12BDnUS5IDuNxXbybsHsZwG4x0dSR2qVWGo0M9ADJiWpzOLqGHOf0dghrfI794GKz7gz8525bxFz81SrZ2kAQsEiVayycii/s1600/IMG_3168.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It was real windy</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I found a thing.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Loved these, so cute</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me trying to slide down the sand dune on a frisbee. It didn't work.</td></tr>
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We climbed a hill.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The sunsets every night were amazing</td></tr>
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We went to Denbigh, a medieval town.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A quick drive-by shooting</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5OcOwCt7rXYHuOfT-vLR4UWOTYMwE2ctSl6Rx8PV3VoRCNaWcKlmTEFU2AItw_AMR2Rgf7PQTrBnwUA5jTzmpq7ZDpE8h2-4N67wTJH_qcFHuHs8zk7l5sJWhh21FchxqlSWGTb-31nJC/s1600/IMG_3287.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5OcOwCt7rXYHuOfT-vLR4UWOTYMwE2ctSl6Rx8PV3VoRCNaWcKlmTEFU2AItw_AMR2Rgf7PQTrBnwUA5jTzmpq7ZDpE8h2-4N67wTJH_qcFHuHs8zk7l5sJWhh21FchxqlSWGTb-31nJC/s1600/IMG_3287.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is what happens when you take a photo while walking down a hill.</td></tr>
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And here is a place near Mount Snowdon - the tallest mountain in England and Wales. I can't remember the name of the place but even if I could, I wouldn't be able to spell it. Anyway it was very pretty, and we went on a scenic steam railway and to a slate museum.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxmrEy5eJ8MlNZTTkm9wjjCaKRC2WibuHiB5mWPMCqL3RJ-nK7VdXn5ECiBLPCTAJWe1g-CidZy-XfgBXyPm3tNgrK6pEr7ADZVbT1AVQTSitVCd4T4I_hNL7x-NsmqWxy1doHR247gHm_/s1600/IMG_3291.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxmrEy5eJ8MlNZTTkm9wjjCaKRC2WibuHiB5mWPMCqL3RJ-nK7VdXn5ECiBLPCTAJWe1g-CidZy-XfgBXyPm3tNgrK6pEr7ADZVbT1AVQTSitVCd4T4I_hNL7x-NsmqWxy1doHR247gHm_/s1600/IMG_3291.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The water was really clear</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ciw7rgbIBARM_c5I2-TzPF192A-EuJOHNySqgxX1_VMGzVeUHFbXdKZ_NAUMRRu4Dc49YiDuaqNXAg8KNFsVSq7vPWl5GIapiXL6Kfh9pV__j42uH8EmeF-3nRn6VGa3eTA3kayyrIYe/s1600/IMG_3294.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ciw7rgbIBARM_c5I2-TzPF192A-EuJOHNySqgxX1_VMGzVeUHFbXdKZ_NAUMRRu4Dc49YiDuaqNXAg8KNFsVSq7vPWl5GIapiXL6Kfh9pV__j42uH8EmeF-3nRn6VGa3eTA3kayyrIYe/s1600/IMG_3294.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfo4UIehfzWUZNJf4E8HNHc7RrvGFAmKHQDBCxFskky6eaea1vTdv17JAMWcjaKVmZ8WnBGs49Vl4TgYiPXG8_RmKYdKH8zetXlGuWDcUZt8zZq376NguaRKkfebSMMSTp7ZRl_oW3O-ng/s1600/IMG_3300.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfo4UIehfzWUZNJf4E8HNHc7RrvGFAmKHQDBCxFskky6eaea1vTdv17JAMWcjaKVmZ8WnBGs49Vl4TgYiPXG8_RmKYdKH8zetXlGuWDcUZt8zZq376NguaRKkfebSMMSTp7ZRl_oW3O-ng/s1600/IMG_3300.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG9boBTF_yPzP5vQdqDWFMiBv9W4gczGBcLJR1JEYl_yDQ6sUXuWrLW0fDsKuWrOi4WWgLo9zZuNC7ghSnheVVrzigm9BMS2KLXIdVrVa5DBW3Zu8PGy1smnELxzmlIJqzWbYFKv_Zni6O/s1600/IMG_3302.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG9boBTF_yPzP5vQdqDWFMiBv9W4gczGBcLJR1JEYl_yDQ6sUXuWrLW0fDsKuWrOi4WWgLo9zZuNC7ghSnheVVrzigm9BMS2KLXIdVrVa5DBW3Zu8PGy1smnELxzmlIJqzWbYFKv_Zni6O/s1600/IMG_3302.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIHtLWEEYDflnK4jSH5L5f9jAiKvWLSFjWMzW1xSxqd7_h_fhXyXdNdRKd_o92jZB_gZCDvlu0mF7MQGOcwXb8QUGrbSuOZLbmEASzmUay3EKLNQZ-c8u4iqUMcjWHWo55Hufv8qswQBUh/s1600/IMG_3319.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIHtLWEEYDflnK4jSH5L5f9jAiKvWLSFjWMzW1xSxqd7_h_fhXyXdNdRKd_o92jZB_gZCDvlu0mF7MQGOcwXb8QUGrbSuOZLbmEASzmUay3EKLNQZ-c8u4iqUMcjWHWo55Hufv8qswQBUh/s1600/IMG_3319.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLXDph_8dm5Cfh2GwP8_lUjgwrm_pA2KtkJfi_g_WwMLOoKkwSLs9AGYOg4UAbq8wT1y-hGMghdGZ_oHKJFeSUhOdFt2vvro5IksSGnBF98N2eUAyOPqhKhnMKsSHb908qd1AMdZXK1fT1/s1600/IMG_3326.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLXDph_8dm5Cfh2GwP8_lUjgwrm_pA2KtkJfi_g_WwMLOoKkwSLs9AGYOg4UAbq8wT1y-hGMghdGZ_oHKJFeSUhOdFt2vvro5IksSGnBF98N2eUAyOPqhKhnMKsSHb908qd1AMdZXK1fT1/s1600/IMG_3326.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnYHFaDhvJws_CW42LfIT6AXNUZX-Fd8FfwRVWL0naP2NM__2QWdvHYKA8I97iGzX9UKJCtcwlvngiWwqCbK4Saw3oi6u1Gt_ZmV7K8nfL-0nf2VurrLJeQGNgvSU7Av1V7MNs9eunOIR8/s1600/IMG_3328.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnYHFaDhvJws_CW42LfIT6AXNUZX-Fd8FfwRVWL0naP2NM__2QWdvHYKA8I97iGzX9UKJCtcwlvngiWwqCbK4Saw3oi6u1Gt_ZmV7K8nfL-0nf2VurrLJeQGNgvSU7Av1V7MNs9eunOIR8/s1600/IMG_3328.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxMfAtMWWCaSjOG6jyqAaoSbMMhwA5-SJ4MEnAfSbSDRXlMTlmUZuEWO898RUow9-Pj-kIHVEXuEezxPaxePULTJljFZh5hVemhWi35wLzakHzKvHhq3z1LjoR813-EyLVbELw_e477A3v/s1600/IMG_3329.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxMfAtMWWCaSjOG6jyqAaoSbMMhwA5-SJ4MEnAfSbSDRXlMTlmUZuEWO898RUow9-Pj-kIHVEXuEezxPaxePULTJljFZh5hVemhWi35wLzakHzKvHhq3z1LjoR813-EyLVbELw_e477A3v/s1600/IMG_3329.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I loved this photo.</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9tVTE0RQY3GOi-Zo5G-cnWoewHhGaQyICYxOOzVm-QUOcNNAgwhuzmJsEqNWMJCBr-EQN7K30D6jAgnLm4LGl0uUBFiZmU0xA43pGN1HF96mSGDiTLSv3bfvZlALUDWCUhM1CWT9aH8Ye/s1600/IMG_3330.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9tVTE0RQY3GOi-Zo5G-cnWoewHhGaQyICYxOOzVm-QUOcNNAgwhuzmJsEqNWMJCBr-EQN7K30D6jAgnLm4LGl0uUBFiZmU0xA43pGN1HF96mSGDiTLSv3bfvZlALUDWCUhM1CWT9aH8Ye/s1600/IMG_3330.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoRBXDWnhq70e2ZsPlnp_GmDK3TESNdo_48WXBbbGwOdoLCJ2ecstO5EQnR4csi5-KZkXN4ZCjIKXsSPJ4hLhx7l4eA_aA0OsmhhC6oYSTBOxOEG_3wgrQaP1kn8DCKVT46gVh23Oz2WuO/s1600/IMG_3331.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoRBXDWnhq70e2ZsPlnp_GmDK3TESNdo_48WXBbbGwOdoLCJ2ecstO5EQnR4csi5-KZkXN4ZCjIKXsSPJ4hLhx7l4eA_aA0OsmhhC6oYSTBOxOEG_3wgrQaP1kn8DCKVT46gVh23Oz2WuO/s1600/IMG_3331.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5t-ZdCAyndgwzh8o3N9vqTbdowhmtgpa4_8DP32ikQCkhwEB8AaHkey5xKMIA2wsVS31iwBH7EEgk26IvzeAaMH4rsj49Yj9jjjCF00Cis2RgDMaOtH_b2UELzWaSwOt0gCtfdwzXQGZ3/s1600/IMG_3333.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5t-ZdCAyndgwzh8o3N9vqTbdowhmtgpa4_8DP32ikQCkhwEB8AaHkey5xKMIA2wsVS31iwBH7EEgk26IvzeAaMH4rsj49Yj9jjjCF00Cis2RgDMaOtH_b2UELzWaSwOt0gCtfdwzXQGZ3/s1600/IMG_3333.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I like the Welsh spelling of 'engine'</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRGsetIph5eilkmhnsDGGe3dSpEfu_wxSvDrWYdF4F_WmtkavoBr3UQpdkD462MMCRtkUsCw-TRmj5NUFiJGhBTeICKih-wwdqzyYlJNF_zPhvOtB1Ko2aL7nueh18xb9In-LD7EaDv8fL/s1600/IMG_3338.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRGsetIph5eilkmhnsDGGe3dSpEfu_wxSvDrWYdF4F_WmtkavoBr3UQpdkD462MMCRtkUsCw-TRmj5NUFiJGhBTeICKih-wwdqzyYlJNF_zPhvOtB1Ko2aL7nueh18xb9In-LD7EaDv8fL/s1600/IMG_3338.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sunset back in Prestatyn. I think this is first time I ever saw the sun set over the ocean.</td></tr>
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On the way back to London we stopped at a place near Dudley in the Midlands - this place had fossils. We also had lunch at the world famous Pie Factory. I had a pie. It was tasty.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipM9ZBzWZROrZZyjU_3BrwLMuZYfzkRF9Hk1qT0ry2v-oVkYDlgJHGDqZ13JHMGybzfc6nFNezyNVTwIg5xHtkS8i_i4cKNMcL5Mq1DMj-JYuMiuRwE9XjOSxDjcpxGnjR9EIm-qHCdQ7I/s1600/IMG_3342.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipM9ZBzWZROrZZyjU_3BrwLMuZYfzkRF9Hk1qT0ry2v-oVkYDlgJHGDqZ13JHMGybzfc6nFNezyNVTwIg5xHtkS8i_i4cKNMcL5Mq1DMj-JYuMiuRwE9XjOSxDjcpxGnjR9EIm-qHCdQ7I/s1600/IMG_3342.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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It was so sunny I actually came home tanned. I had a really nice time.</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-67975272530042920912014-04-09T17:50:00.000+01:002014-04-09T17:50:03.220+01:00Why is Deep never Happy?This Saturday I'm going to Wales with a group from church:<br />
<a href="http://wordaliveevent.org/">http://wordaliveevent.org/</a><br />
I'm really, really, really excited.<br />
<br />
Another cool thing is this week I submitted an assignment several hours early. So that was a big achievement. I ate most of a box of chocolate fingers while I waited for the submission page to load, and there was some not-so-good language while the stress mounted. But as long as I pass it was all worth it.<br />
<br />
I'm down to two days a week at work, that will last until the beginning of May. So I'll start looking for another job again when I get back from Word Alive.<br />
<br />
Ugh such boring talk.<br />
Want some raw thoughts?<br />
<br />
I've had deep chats about <i>predestination</i>, <i>once saved always saved</i>, <i>free will</i> and all that kind of thing lately. It comes up at home group sometimes and I can't let it be because I can't understand it enough to love God. It's a barrier. Is it my barrier? Dunno. I don't want to live in a world where there's no God - that's a horrifying thought because then love, good & evil, and purpose: they're all made up concepts and don't really exist. I also don't want to live with my allegiance with the devil by default. I don't like that he has power over me and can trick and trap me. If he's real that's definitely what he has been doing. Yes, they're my thoughts and arguments, and yes, my depression was an illness, but boy did he take advantage. I still wish God had done more to stop it, but somebody said to me on the weekend that maybe I have to go through these questions for a reason. Though to me it has always made God look too weak or indifferent to save me - that the depression and doubt was bigger than him.<br />
Nobody believes that I might not actually be a Christian. I don't know if I am one. Was I one and did I lose my faith, and can I get it back; was I never one and can I ever have faith; was I always a Christian but I'm just going through a dark stage right now... for the last three and a half years... If I die I don't know what will happen to me.<br />
You might say "it's not about you creating faith from something within yourself, it comes from God" and I would say "ER HEY GOD WHERE THE HECK IS MY FAITH THAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR ALL THIS TIME?!" after I had blasted you with <i>calling</i> and <i>free will</i> confusion. Then you would say "You have to chose to have faith in God" - Well golly, I can't chose to have faith until I have faith in God. And I can't have faith in God until he sends his Spirit to change me. God is just a big meanie. I have asked him. I have. But I don't know what's true anymore.<br />
<br />
So I'm stuck in a really miserable place of worrying that I'll never be a Christian but never live a fulfilling life without some kind of bigger purpose than myself... This is not new, I've just boiled down my issues a bit more. Sometimes I think I'm making small steps of progress but I'm never gonna get far enough to believe that what God does is loving. All you Christians are thinking "UGH IT'S SO OBVIOUS" and I'm like "Dude, you've got the Spirit. Talk to me again when you feel like God has deserted you and left you to mull over it for eternity."<br />
<br />
How did you start this post excited about a Christian conference and then end it... like that (cursing the Holy Spirit? Am I doomed forever?), you ask?<br />
Welcome to the contradictory, hypocritical, selfish, inconsistent lie that is my life. Thanks for stopping by.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-64056537933996793582014-04-02T14:03:00.003+01:002014-04-02T16:55:00.284+01:00The Path Not Taken<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
A path diverged in local Brent, </div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
Before Boston Manor, my station that night</div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
On one track trudged an older gent</div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
Who took with him a most unpleasant scent -</div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
He chose the pathway on my right;</div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
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<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
Then on the left side, just as fair, </div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
(Though allowing for better view of the track)</div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
A happy couple skipped along there:</div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
Into each other's eyes they could not but stare,</div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
And nothing did they seem to lack.</div>
<br />
Both paths that evening equally lay<br />
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
As concrete, caked in dirt and gum</div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
Oh, I kept the left for another day! </div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
For I could hold my breath a little way, </div>
<div>
And not disturb the blissful young.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
I shall be telling this with a sigh </div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
Somewhere ages and ages hence: </div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
Two paths diverged near Chiswick, and I— </div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
I took the one less travelled by,</div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
And that has made all the difference.</div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<br /></div>
<div style="padding-left: 1em; text-indent: -1em;">
<em>For the original poem visit </em><a href="http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/173536"><em>http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/173536</em></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-54706851056255199342014-04-01T16:34:00.000+01:002014-04-02T16:50:21.281+01:00Year Plans<div>
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I'm pretty sure most people are aware, but here's a public update just in case:</span></div>
<div>
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I'm going to be in Australia for the month of November 2014, that's a definite. There are at least 3 weddings I'm going to which is very exciting and also a bit crazy.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The indefinite aspect is whether or not I will return to the UK after that. At the moment I can see that it would make sense to stay in Armidale at the end of the year and settle there for a while, since my visa will end in May 2015 anyway. I miss my Aussie family and friends and the country, but the thought of leaving everyone in London gets harder every day - as does being away from my people back home! I'm finding it really hard at the moment to be torn between two homes...</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-53361597319573298362014-03-27T14:41:00.001+00:002014-03-27T14:41:42.584+00:00Overcast DayYou know those dreary days...<br />
It's probably a bad idea to blog right now, but I'm bored.<br />
<br /><br />
I stayed up late last night finishing an assignment. I am very much a last minute person. I'm glad I'm doing uni, and I enjoy the readings when they're not a chore. I love writing but I not when it's on somebody else's words.<br />
"Do you want to be a teacher?" I ask myself. "Yes." "Then you simply have to do this."<br />
".........OK."<br />
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I'm almost at the end of Week 5 of 6 here in the office. The weeks themselves flew by, but the daaays draaaaaaag like stringy cheese on pizza in a bad way. There's horizontal rain outside. Lovely. I like the walk to the station in the evenings (it will clear up, yes it will) (oh that was thunder, oh dear) and even the tube ride is fun. It's great for people watching - guessing the job, the relationship status, the contentment in life... Maybe that last one is a bit weird. I love changing platforms without even thinking - like a pro - and watching London out the train window as the sun sets for the day. A few days ago I saw a builder man walking along the scaffolding several stories high, and I wooshed past with Paul Kelly in my ear. It was beautiful. It's a part of my London adventure that's once-in-a-lifetime type moment.<br />
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Still lovin' mah church. It's my family and my whole life over here. At the moment I'm finding it really hard to know I'm going to have to leave. Am I? Yes. I want to be at home too. It's hard. I'm homesick though I don't want to be yet, but of course I am because I miss my family and friends and sometimes I wonder if Australia is even any different to the UK.. are we even a nation of our own? And then I see a photo with a gum tree or I think about the days I used to go barefoot outside and hang with people who are capable of making fart jokes and I know I'll never be British. I feel kinda cooped up in the city. There's no where you can be where no one can see you. No rivers or paddocks (fields) or backyards out of earshot of anybody. I need to get out more...<br />
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See this is why I only write when I feel like it. Don't be disappointed when my posts are few and far between - the days I didn't write are the days I would have liked to have a right old moan about life. You've dodged yourself many bullets. Either that or I was too busy having a nice time to bother with condensing it into words.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-35630399549678908822014-03-18T22:55:00.001+00:002014-03-18T22:58:57.834+00:00Houseboat!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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I had a marvellous weekend, involving a visit from an Armidale friend who is on exchange in Ireland, lunch on a houseboat, canoeing on the Grand Union Canal in Uxbridge, glorious sunshine and a wonderful time with church folk as usual.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Such a cool way to live! The home of a lady at church.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Standing on the roof was amazing.</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-42230998892036461192014-03-12T19:24:00.000+00:002014-03-12T19:24:35.090+00:00After StonehengeOh golly I'm just going to crack on with it.<br />
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I got job, I started uni; basically I increased busyness by 500%. It's great. It took its toll on Sunday evening though (about halfway through the church service, thank you) when I hit the Peopled Out Point, but I went home and did the comfort food thing but instead of food it was music (I'm not a foodie). Months of nothing into double full time is a big shift to make and it's been fine other than that. My job is a temporary stint in an office. A huuuge office. I never, ever thought I would be doing a 75 minute rush hour commute by train and bus to a 12 story building to do numbers and money and spreadsheets all day. But hey! It's kinda cool to have landed it. When I say 'kinda cool,' I mean flipping awesome. This job couldn't have come any sooner - I was feeling pretty desperate about having no income - and I'm really grateful for it! It's the best pay I've ever had, too. When I say 'landed it,' I mean it fell into my lap. Housito (that's my housemate, the male one, in case you missed that explanation - Housita is my other housemate and she is female) needed a temp at work so I was the man. Girl. OK, so the work is dead boring, and totally not what I want to do with the rest of my life, but I will not complain!<br />
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There's a blow fly in my room. I didn't even know they existed in this country.. On that note, though, the weather is finally warming up. The other day I was outside and I rolled my sleeves up. It was amazing. I like the cold, to be sure, but winter is a lot longer here than in Armidale. And a LOT colder. The daffodils are out and daisies too - soon it will look like what it did when I first arrived! Now THAT'S a crazy thought.<br />
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Uni is good. I dropped a unit, which I'm not too fussed about. The workload was a bit much and sourcing textbooks hasn't been that easy. The content, however, I'm finding interesting and it's making more and more excited to be a teacher. Phew!<br />
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One thing coming up in my life is this conference, church is taking a group, and I'm well excited: http://wordaliveevent.org/<br />
<br />
Another thing is... WEDDINGS! So many weddings. I think it's up to 10 engagements since I left. I started a list. Anyway, I'm coming back in November for at least three of them (!!) and at this point I'm thinking I will move back to Armidale (indefinitely) then, too. It's exciting and sad and homesickening all at once. I don't want to leave all my lovely friends here! But I do want to come home soon.<br />
<br />
Anyhow, there is a lot to be done before I say goodbye to the UK. Like see Stonehenge.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-71172676260897555652014-02-10T23:47:00.002+00:002014-02-10T23:47:30.129+00:00Without the RaveWell, I've seen the end of boredom. It's here. My course content is now available online so I can get cracking with it! Hooray!<br />
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I really miss my family at the moment. And I often wish I was at home so I could be with my Aussie friends. But I realised today that I'm scared that their lives will go forward and in a year or so too much will have changed. So many getting married! So many moving away! I want to be there <i>now</i>, and enjoy it how it is <i>now</i>, but I definitely also want to be <i>here</i> now, with <i>these</i> people, and sometimes I feel like I have to decide who I love more. How silly. But it's hard.</div>
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Oh and the money-from-the-government thing is a no-go. Ah well. At least my computer is working!</div>
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I'm stressed about being jobless and I'm losing faith on that front. What can I do? I need a job. Stress is rotten. I don't feel it all that much (usually my body deals with pressure by exerting it through an allergenic/infectious reaction), but even when I do it's not all that bad. So I really feel for people who have super stressful jobs or lives because it's so encumbering. When I was deciding whether or not to leave my last "job" I literally couldn't go a minute without the weight of the decision pressing down on me. Oh, you say, wait till you're a teacher... Hmm yeah. We'll cross that bridge after we've had a bit of a picnic.</div>
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I listened to some Mark Driscoll sermons. I never thought I would say that, because a) I never did like Mark Driscoll (until now), and b) I never listen to sermons online; but I found them really, really intriguing. I had a prejudiced and ill-informed opinion of Driscoll: that he was pompous and aggressive, but I really took to his frankness and his funniness. He doesn't mess about. I think that sometimes he gets carried away with being so avant-guarde but I appreciated what he had to say. Here's the link <a href="http://marshill.com/media/vintagejesus">http://marshill.com/media/vintagejesus</a></div>
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And thanks to a wise woman who told me to watch the one on the resurrection - when was it - this time last year? Or earlier? I never did until now. But I'm glad I have. Thanks.</div>
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I get annoyed when people worship preachers like Driscoll or Piper or [drop another name here] as though it's their amazing wisdom that is saving the world. Yes, some people have brilliant brains and a unique knack for explaining things, but they're only human and they still do a poo. (I stole that from a lady who gave one of the many inspirational talks you're fed in high school. She was talking about 'the cool kids' and she said "when you're thinking about how great they are, just remember that they still do a poo." Cracked me up then, and I still use the technique sometimes. Never fails to entertain.)</div>
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And another thing: this one I stole from a good friend. She said to me "I think it's terrible how people [in church] feel that they have to leave... in order to step down from positions in the church" and I said "Who in particular?" and she said "Well, you..."<br />
It's the truth. I know people who have got so busy with ministry, they burnt out, then left; and if they were anything like me, it was partly because you felt like people knew you as Jess-the-very-involved and now that you were just a shell of a person and couldn't be everything people expected of you, you had to go. I think that coming to London has been really, really good for me, and I'm so lucky I've fallen into a great church community, (well luck has nothing to do with it if there's a God), but it's a shame about the circumstances that lead me here. I believe I was in leadership too young. Too young as a Christian and too young as a person. I loved it, and I learnt a lot from it - more than that, I wouldn't be who I am if I had never been on the youth group team - but in hindsight I can see that I needed a lot more maturity and life experience than I had before I could take on that role.<br />
Anyway, they're just my thoughts and I'd be happy to talk to anyone who has any ideas or opinions of their own. I've had a good life so far and I'm not suggesting that anyone ever did me wrong. I just have a different view as to when I was a teenager. All those many years ago...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-82424079823843334642014-02-06T00:01:00.000+00:002014-02-06T00:01:17.204+00:00Thoughts From My HeadI still have no job. I had a pretty low moment last week after four local recruitment agencies turned me away on account of my lack of experience in office work which is apparently all they offer. But these things take time, people say, and I guess whatever needs to happen will happen when it's meant to.<br />
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Uni starts in less than three weeks! I have one textbook so far. I wrote my name in the front.<br />
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It's raining here.<br />
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I have moved into the newly decorated room of the house, and it is just divine. I'm in a brand new bed with swish squidgy carpet and whimsical wallpaper. I'm so spoiled.<br />
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I'm trying to get Centrelink to give me some money for studying, but it's never that simple, is it?<br />
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My computer is having issues. If you're a Mac user you'll know how important it is for the Finder application to work. Yeah, mine isn't responding. We'll see if a restart helps after this.<br />
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I have good friends. I have quite a number of wonderful friends who I can easily talk to all day about anything and everything. And I have lodged myself (pun intended) into the lives of such fantastic people here in London - not just my housies but everyone at my church.<br />
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Speaking of church, I've started reading Romans and I'm using a book called Search the Scriptures for an accompanying study. I didn't feel I was in the right place to go to the Sharing Jesus course that's being held at my church, but it's about time I got stuck into what God is about instead of farting around with my issues. I'm sick of fighting and moping and I just wanna come back. I'm reading Pilgrim's Progress which I'm thoroughly enjoying - I recommend it! But I don't think I would have understood it much earlier in my life. It requires a way of thinking that I probably wasn't open to as a legalistic and narrow-minded teenager. I think anyone could still benefit from it, though.<br />
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I think about next year quite often, but I never think beyond that. I think I'd like to move back to Armidale, but I can't really envisage anything further. I still want to go to South America some day to see a culture that's so different to rural New South Wales and my pocket of north west London, and I want to visit lots of other places besides, so I hope I won't do anything to prevent that opportunity. At the same time I don't want to get bored or restless or too comfortable when I'm back home. I say "when" intentionally, because despite what some of you may have said before I left, my heart has not been whisked away by an Englishman and though it makes me so, so sad to think I'll have to leave one day, it was only ever a two-year visa.<br />
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It does make me sad, though. I will miss catching the tube - I love the bit where everyone alights from the train together and walks towards the ticket barriers, I will miss the look of the houses and the ever-green grass, I will miss all the different accents. But most of all my friends who are almost a surrogate family. I love them.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-20395002062346108652014-02-05T19:58:00.001+00:002014-02-05T20:02:09.906+00:00Australia DayIt was a very unaustralian day, but I was never more excited about being an Aussie. I made sure everybody I spoke to knew it was a BIG DEAL..<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't know why my face looks so pink, but my parents are always nagging me to put selfies up. Here you go! Your bogan daughter!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Went to lunch after church, and someone decided to be ironic. It was appreciated.</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-35470542971164660322014-01-19T23:51:00.001+00:002014-01-19T23:51:24.207+00:00True Blue BruIt's one week until Australia Day, and I'm going to make an even bigger thing of it than I usually would (ok so I don't usually make a very big thing about it but I'm very excited this year). British people don't have the equivalent (obviously) and so I plan to go all out with flag tattoos and face paint, perhaps without the face paint. But definitely need to have some of the triple j hottest 100 and there may even be a BBQ (British people don't know what rissoles are). I'll miss the inflatable pool and the sweltering heat, and of course ALL THE AUSTRALIANS (British people are not Australian), but maybe it will snow and then it will be awesome.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-49449139906173322702014-01-18T23:30:00.002+00:002014-01-18T23:31:28.203+00:00Out West<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
A village called Chipping Sodbury, frost not snow, a chapel near where Tyndale went to church, Bristol - a suspension bridge with a lovely view, and a genuine steam train ride. Good times.</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-46416738975762514082014-01-17T16:42:00.002+00:002014-01-17T16:42:50.589+00:00Standing on the tip of the rabbit's fur, while doing not very muchIs anybody really that shocked to realise I've failed miserably at my one and only New Year's Resolution? Hey, it's alright. I only make goals with a short term benefit in mind so when my momentum fizzles out it usually means I've done enough.<br />
<br />
I don't have a job yet. I'm going mad with boredom (but hanging around middle class British people makes me feel like I'm mad already by comparison). I guess I don't want to start anything else or commit to anything until I've got an income and a bit more of a routine (at the moment it's: eat, sleep, doddle around, repeat), but it would probably help to fill some time if I have another month or so. But by then...<br />
<br />
I'm enrolled in the University of New England to study a Bachelor of Education (Primary) off-campus starting February 24th. All I need is to sort out my textbooks and I'm set to go! It's very exciting.<br />
<br />
In the last few days I've picked up Housito's bass guitar and taught m'self some riiiiffffs. That's been fun. I listen to a lot of music all day which is nice. My week is full of Saturdays, and so I look forward to the weekend not because it's a time to relax, but because it's a time to get out and see people and do stuff. Having said that, I often leave my washing till Real Saturday anyway. Oh well.<br />
I do make myself somewhat useful during the week. The post office folk must think I run a shop on eBay for how often I'm in there. I'm an unofficial PA, and I love it because it makes me feel helpful.<br />
<br />
Where am I at with life thoughts? I wish I knew. I get myself into knots over my questions and I've been trying to figure it all out thinking that if I did that I'd be able to have faith again, but I guess that makes me God, doesn't it. I'm a principled and proud person, so I could never push all my issues aside and "be Christian" again just to be at peace. It wouldn't be true peace, and it would be for the wrong reasons. At the moment I don't love God because I find it hard to believe that he is good, and I couldn't pretend to love him until I got stuff sorted. I don't know if that makes sense in words.<br />
But as I go along and put together my minipiphanies (mini epiphanies), things become better. I realise that that's giving myself credit for understanding the world - oh clever me - so maybe it's God revealing stuff to me and allowing me to learn things. An example would be, for instance, that if God isn't real then love and evil are arbitrary and what does it matter if I'm doing something with selfish or false motivation. So I may as well hope that God <i>is</i> real, and <i>is</i> good. And the other day I thought to myself "if God isn't loving, where does love come from?" Our pastor talked about being a slave last Sunday, and I wondered what my master is at the moment. Broadly speaking it's my sinful nature, but more specifically, is one of them philosophy? Yes, that sounds pretentious, but perhaps the devil has me wrapped up in obsessing over how to make sense of God and the world so as to blind me from the simple message of the gospel (well maybe not simple, but sufficient). Even as I write this I feel detached from it all. For ages I blamed it on the meds (not long till I'm finished! hanging out for a normal metabolism again..!), but it's people like my dad who bring me down to the earth again and basically say - in kinder words - "you don't want to accept that you need God." I guess that's why I'm trying to understand everything on my own. How many times have I contradicted myself? My entire life is a contradiction I guess. One could say "at least you're honest" - but it has been too long. Is it God holding out on me, or is it me hesitating because of my pride? Does it matter? I don't want to live like this forever.<br />
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That's all I'm going to write for now.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-37366118185377910692014-01-08T15:06:00.001+00:002014-01-08T15:06:13.048+00:00ReviewWhat do you get when you start writing a blog about your life and then people compliment you on it and say they admire your honesty?<br />
<br />
Carried away. You get carried away and then you get worried friends.<br />
<br />
Let me rein it in a little, and in future I will bring down another filter for the personal journal content. I don't want this to be too much of an outlet so much so that I stop talking to real people and only allow myself to be real on the internet. Hello, that is a paradox. No one is real on the internet. Also, no one wants to read pages of moaning. I'm in London! Why not write about something interesting.<br />
<br />
Let's view this as a little mid-blog-crisis where I had to figure out its identity and purpose and now we'll be adjusting the direction ever so slightly again, hopefully not having to revisit that for a while and so I can stop talking about it. And now I can get back to my life, where I do things like delete stuff on my too-full hard drive and eat Christmas chocolate and have tea breaks with Housita (who is working from home at the moment).<br />
<br />
I really am thankful for where I am right now. I'm much happier than I have been in a long time. It's just that particularly human trait of wanting more - wanting all there is. Wanting everything to be good, but scared of boredom or meaninglessness. Yep there it is. Just can't let it go, can you Jess.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-36266252796817403432014-01-07T15:17:00.000+00:002014-01-07T15:17:44.710+00:00For eyes that like shiny things<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A few Christmas photos to lighten the mood a little. I really did have a lovely time. The Christmas tree came down yesterday. Oh I have never seen so many pine needles. By the end it was so dry that you just had to sneeze and the floor would be coated with green prickles. I think I definitely had a proper English Christmas.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-15145070746268664242014-01-06T23:49:00.002+00:002014-01-06T23:49:51.292+00:00Sweet & Quirky is not this week's flavourI don't feel like writing. But I will. I will write badly and not try to be creative or clever.<br />
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Today marks two months of being a lazy slob. That is, unemployed. Not even studying. Just eating and sleeping and endeavouring to make people laugh and maybe even like me. And some other stuff in between I guess. I am bored out of my brain. So bored.<br />
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I am not content in life. I should be, because I live with two fantastic people and feel so at home (totally claimed a chair - it's my chair), and I'm safe and healthy and have good friends and a loving family. But I'm so weighed down by the big questions in life, and so miserable about not having what I wish would fulfill me. Perhaps that doesn't make sense. And yes, it's melodramatic and artsy-fartsy-let's-contemplate-the-world-in-our-togas but for some reason these things matter to me and are on my heart and I won't be at peace until I have answers.<br />
And also, because I've got myself a reputation of being very honest and open about life, there's no point leaving this out: I feel like almost all of my Armidale friends are married or almost married or thinking about getting married and, oh, gee, here's me. I talk to myself and don't brush my hair very regularly and I keep people at a distance or push them away when I'm depressed and can't figure out what to live for and I have a nasty, sarcastic manner and oh, maybe some self confidence issues coming out there? Haha. Now I'm just being a teenager. (Sorry teenagers. You know I love you.) But seriously. I'm going to Argentina some day. I want to get this teaching degree done! It's nice being free but it would be so wonderful to have a lifelong best friend. I know I'm just voicing what everyone has thought at some stage in their life, so I'm not embarrassed. I just wish I could be content. Not to be confused with "happy"; happy is an emotion like hunger is a feeling.<br />
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(My mum used to write emails that went something like "I love your blog darling. But what did you mean when you said..." She doesn't write that anymore. Either I'm starting to make sense or she's just given up..)<br />
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Hmm, it really depends on the mood I'm in as to what you're going to get. If I had have sat down after my run this morning it would be a very different bunch of musings. As it is, you have me after a day of metaphorically throwing concepts at a wall and getting bruises as they bounce back and hit me again, and pestering my friends to explain the world and God to me in a way I would like. And yet someone telling me how to be human is not going to make me feel free, is it? I don't know. Maybe if that someone knew what it was like to be truly human...<br />
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Oh how does he DO that? And why can't I CHANGE?!?!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-1553911190019249452014-01-05T14:55:00.004+00:002014-01-05T14:55:48.096+00:00My PlanNow I didn't write yesterday because I went to bed. It was a lovely day with a bunch of lovely people in central London - St Paul's and the Tate Modern. I will document it properly soon.<br />
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But right now, it's that strange Sunday interim between morning and afternoon service and instead of blobbing around I am going to delve into the murky fears and frustrations of my soul and figure out what it is I need to get straight with God and stuff. Believe me, I am scared to bits. I was thinking about this last night, that whenever I try and pray or read my bible or think over my questions I end up getting upset and only feel worse - like I'll never come to back to God because he's not what I want him to be and he's actually who I see him as right now: an indifferent, uncaring, possibly not even divine idea that seems to do good for some people but is heaven actually real and was Jesus' death enough and why do babies die and...........<br />
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So I've got me some brown paper, some floor space, a pen, and hopefully the headspace to be able to do it. Pray for me? Lord, help my unbelief? I don't want to do this, but I have to. I don't know if I can do it on my own. Oh stop procrastinating you drama queen!<br />
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And a shout out to my brave friend - you know who you are (though I don't know if you'll read this) - who has also decided to stop running from stuff in her life and actually deal with it. You inspire me. Thanks. If I can do it, you can too.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-27966846854938666782014-01-04T01:09:00.001+00:002014-01-04T01:09:52.585+00:00BustedWhoops! I let an official day slip by without writing. But I haven't slept yet so it's ok. Today went from boring to brilliant. Now I can't sleep. Signing off.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961723601062802565.post-54577057555943399942014-01-02T17:17:00.000+00:002014-01-02T17:17:06.230+00:00When trivial goes deepWell, would you like to hear about my day so far?<br />
I woke up, I "talked" (on facebook & snapchat) to a good friend about girly problems, I got up, I went to the toilet, I had breakfast, all the while still talking to this lovely friend of mine, I pumped some tunes, finished unpacking from the other day, had a shower, friend of mine went to bed (she's in Aus) but there are always people to talk to i.e. English friend, finished this job application which was EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING and STRESSFUL due to technical failures of the website which meant I had to keep doing it over and over again and so there was a little too much yelling and swearing and deep breathing which upgraded to praying and that was when the submission went through. Hurray! I then had lunch (pasta) and washed up while still enjoying the tunes, then Housito came home and that was the first human I had encountered in person all day, we exchanged greetings and now I am in my room again listening to music and on my computer. Oh I did some washing at some point in there too, after the shower. I've been hoping to hear back from UNE about my course but no luck yet. After 9pm tonight I will call the Optus people in Australia to end my contract which I have been meaning to do for months. It would be nice if I didn't have to pay the last bill... I have no dollars left. I just checked my English bank account, and though I'm fine, there's a lot less than there was before the wedding visit and so I'm really wanting a job soon. But mostly I want a job so that I won't be so bored and hermitish. Later I might watch some Miranda.<br />
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I had this thought earlier today: that it would be awful to know your own future, because if you did you would probably be unhappy about what would happen so you'd do something else, but if you did that you still wouldn't be satisfied so you'd never be glad about what takes place. Either that or you'd just see what was going to happen and you'd have no choice and just have to watch yourself mess up and make bad decisions or have to let stuff into your life that you knew was going to be bad later on. Most of the time I <i>like</i> not knowing what's "around the river bend," because I'm not in control anyway so why bother planning too much?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16534335822243019718noreply@blogger.com0