Was it a year wasted? Definitely not. I know I've wasted some of the year, but I'm not that hung up on it because we only do what we can at the time. I have learnt and grown so much. I know I've changed, and not all for the better. But I'm closer to something. Have I sorted out my life yet? Definitely not. Lets not even open that can of worms today.
I am still an Aussie. I'm fully aware of my parasitical London accent habits and all the British idioms that sneak their way into my speech - 'have you not?'; 'brill'; 'Hoover' and all that rubbish ('rubbish') - but I still think and act like I always did. In fact, any distinguishing feature of my personality (such as my charming tendency for bossiness and opinionatedness) has most likely been amplified since being unique here has encouraged me to be even more so. With the possible exception of my sarcastic nature - I had to tone that down a little to make friends. Now that I've got them, though, I can say what I want... (That was sarcasm. But it's true as well.)
And now it's 11:30pm. At this point in the composition of a post I would naturally flow into a theological or existential reflection, and bring you into the miserable world of my circular inner debate. I've started several paragraphs of this kind but it's late and I'm tired and it's too hard to think about. I've got a switchfoot song in my head because I've been playing it on repeat, it's called: 'Where I Belong.' I don't know where home is right now, and I'm scared that I won't be happy anywhere. But happiness is fleeting. I want to live in full conviction of the true purpose of life and be fully satisfied. Or at least, be able to believe it even when I feel lost. I wish God was that big and that good. I wish I could believe it. Then maybe I could come to love a God who is the reason I'm alive. But the way I see it, God is the reason that many, many people are not alive. How can he be a good god?
Oh I did it anyway. I should have just gone to bed.
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