Updates are definitely getting few and far between. This is not because nothing is happening, quite the opposite in fact. It's because what's been happening is not exactly exciting adventure news... And I still can't really write everything I wish I could, as it's not really public knowledge.
I know, I'm sorry! I hate being vague! I'm doing OK. I've had an awful time trying to decide what to do about my situation (I suspect that the nausea and tiredness had more to do with that than the medication did); and having come to a decision I have peace, but also a lot of guilt and dread and sadness. I will fill in the gaps one day, but it's all a bit delicate right now. Just to reaffirm: I am fine. I'm not sick, or in danger, or in trouble.
On the bright side, I love church more than ever and I'm so grateful for the fantastic people there. I know that sounds so corny, but I honestly wonder where I'd be without their genuine love and kindness, and how I would spend my weekend if I didn't have such fun and easy-going friends! Having Facebook back has constantly reminded me how much I miss my friends back home, of course, and I can't wait to see you all in less than two weeks!
It's raining here, and everybody has been talking about the oncoming storm that's meant to be the biggest in two years! I love wearing my coat. It's so thick and heavy and it has toggles. Apparently "togs" (swimmers if you're a Queenslander) is a measurement of how warm your duvet is. Never knew this. Also, "flip them the bird" is not an expression used here. Neither is "say what?" That always gets a good laugh.
Sunday 27 October 2013
Friday 18 October 2013
Title
Right so it has been a while since my last post. Apologies! I actually wrote a very short one the other day, but I've just checked my phone and the publishing failed. Oops.
It's three weeks until I will be in Armidale! Wow. That's crazy.
Things are tricky here. Tricky is a mild word. Hard would be a better term, but it's so overused and quite vague. I'm having to make a BIG LIFE DECISION in the next couple of weeks (um, no, I'm not dating/pregnant/wanting plastic surgery) and it is stressing me out. Sorry I can't really write more details.
On a positive note, the side effects have mostly ceased. I don't wake up feeling sick anymore. That may also be because of circumstantial changes. Mum and I suspect that the new medication was doing wacky stuff to my metabolism (I get really full on much less than usual then I'm starving two hours later, also lost some weight). Now instead of taking it after I wake up, I make sure I've had breakfast first. I'm not a doctor, but the doctor who gave it to me didn't really give me much guidance so hopefully I'm doing the right thing.
Also, I've started the couch to 5k jogging program... I know, you're shocked right? So not me. But I'm really enjoying it!
As usual, I'm loving church. The students are here (term started in Septemper) and people are just so lovely. I've also been going to a home group (which Little Man called 'church group' 'church box' and 'smart box') which is great. We're going through a book called Search the Scriptures, and we're in Matthew at the moment. Parables - not as simple as they seem!
I'm reading over what I've written and it is actually quite positive! I've been doing SO MUCH whining and deliberating in the last week especially, that I was assuming it would be more of that. It's funny how we switch our thinking when we're limited by what we can say.
If you're the praying type, I need wisdom. WISDOM. I need to make the right decision, because what I do will affect me and other people too. Sorry again that you don't have the whole story. Well some people do. Like Mum and Dad. Good old folks, always there when you need 'em. Except when it's 3am in Australia and they're not signed in to Skype. But hey. I know they love me.
It's three weeks until I will be in Armidale! Wow. That's crazy.
Things are tricky here. Tricky is a mild word. Hard would be a better term, but it's so overused and quite vague. I'm having to make a BIG LIFE DECISION in the next couple of weeks (um, no, I'm not dating/pregnant/wanting plastic surgery) and it is stressing me out. Sorry I can't really write more details.
On a positive note, the side effects have mostly ceased. I don't wake up feeling sick anymore. That may also be because of circumstantial changes. Mum and I suspect that the new medication was doing wacky stuff to my metabolism (I get really full on much less than usual then I'm starving two hours later, also lost some weight). Now instead of taking it after I wake up, I make sure I've had breakfast first. I'm not a doctor, but the doctor who gave it to me didn't really give me much guidance so hopefully I'm doing the right thing.
Also, I've started the couch to 5k jogging program... I know, you're shocked right? So not me. But I'm really enjoying it!
As usual, I'm loving church. The students are here (term started in Septemper) and people are just so lovely. I've also been going to a home group (which Little Man called 'church group' 'church box' and 'smart box') which is great. We're going through a book called Search the Scriptures, and we're in Matthew at the moment. Parables - not as simple as they seem!
I'm reading over what I've written and it is actually quite positive! I've been doing SO MUCH whining and deliberating in the last week especially, that I was assuming it would be more of that. It's funny how we switch our thinking when we're limited by what we can say.
If you're the praying type, I need wisdom. WISDOM. I need to make the right decision, because what I do will affect me and other people too. Sorry again that you don't have the whole story. Well some people do. Like Mum and Dad. Good old folks, always there when you need 'em. Except when it's 3am in Australia and they're not signed in to Skype. But hey. I know they love me.
Wednesday 9 October 2013
Gut Feelings
I'm really fretting about my home visit. I've said before that I'm worried I'll just cry the whole entire week... A few days is barely enough to even hug my family. I'll be so incredibly tired and rocked. I'm scared I won't want to come back; but at the same time the thought that I'll have to leave this part of the world behind one day makes me really sad. I've grown attached to my London. Well, the people here. Not so much the city. But I will miss the tube. And the variety of accents.
It's not that I'm not excited. I am. I cannot wait for the wedding! It's going to be amazing, and if I cry there it will be for joy. I can't wait to see my family and friends and wake up to magpies singing and see how my garden has grown (OK so maybe it's not my garden) and to go to St Marks and see all the beautiful kids who have probably grown a few inches taller by now. But I could crash and burn (either when I'm back in London or on the plane - literally). It could make me even more indecisive about what to do next year.
I'll have to say goodbye all over again.
That's going to be really, really hard.
I've been feeling pretty rotten for the last two weeks because I'm in the process of changing medication. It's making me even more tired than usual and I'm waking up feeling hungry and nauseous at the same time. Of course, that really saps my supply of patience and anybody knows that getting kids ready for school in the morning can be a bit of an ordeal. I'm going to try my hardest to get to bed early every night I can, and hope that these side effects will go away. Waking up to the prospect of the stress of the morning doesn't help. I need to get more things going during the day: things I can look forward to. I had coffee with a friend yesterday which was real nice; and though it was only an hour, having to go out and get the tube and having a nice conversation with a peer (!!) was really worthwhile. It's funny how you can feel less tired if you've been occupied for a lot of the day than if you sat around not doing much.
So that's a little of where I'm at right now. There is a heck of a lot more I could write, but not here. Besides, I feel like I've talked a lot of things out with a lot of people but haven't got as far as dealing with anything, because I still don't know what can be done. What can be done? I'm not Wonder Woman. A lot of the time I feel like I'm not cut out for this. I'm not a parent. But maybe I'm not trying hard enough. It's not my fault things are the way they are, but am I helping? I don't know what to do.
It's not that I'm not excited. I am. I cannot wait for the wedding! It's going to be amazing, and if I cry there it will be for joy. I can't wait to see my family and friends and wake up to magpies singing and see how my garden has grown (OK so maybe it's not my garden) and to go to St Marks and see all the beautiful kids who have probably grown a few inches taller by now. But I could crash and burn (either when I'm back in London or on the plane - literally). It could make me even more indecisive about what to do next year.
I'll have to say goodbye all over again.
That's going to be really, really hard.
I've been feeling pretty rotten for the last two weeks because I'm in the process of changing medication. It's making me even more tired than usual and I'm waking up feeling hungry and nauseous at the same time. Of course, that really saps my supply of patience and anybody knows that getting kids ready for school in the morning can be a bit of an ordeal. I'm going to try my hardest to get to bed early every night I can, and hope that these side effects will go away. Waking up to the prospect of the stress of the morning doesn't help. I need to get more things going during the day: things I can look forward to. I had coffee with a friend yesterday which was real nice; and though it was only an hour, having to go out and get the tube and having a nice conversation with a peer (!!) was really worthwhile. It's funny how you can feel less tired if you've been occupied for a lot of the day than if you sat around not doing much.
So that's a little of where I'm at right now. There is a heck of a lot more I could write, but not here. Besides, I feel like I've talked a lot of things out with a lot of people but haven't got as far as dealing with anything, because I still don't know what can be done. What can be done? I'm not Wonder Woman. A lot of the time I feel like I'm not cut out for this. I'm not a parent. But maybe I'm not trying hard enough. It's not my fault things are the way they are, but am I helping? I don't know what to do.
Thursday 3 October 2013
That autumn feel
Unfortunately the lack of sunshine means the brilliant reds didn't come out so well in this photo and one of another tree, but I thought I'd share anyway. Note well: you saw it here first. Not on other social media.
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