I still have no job. I had a pretty low moment last week after four local recruitment agencies turned me away on account of my lack of experience in office work which is apparently all they offer. But these things take time, people say, and I guess whatever needs to happen will happen when it's meant to.
Uni starts in less than three weeks! I have one textbook so far. I wrote my name in the front.
It's raining here.
I have moved into the newly decorated room of the house, and it is just divine. I'm in a brand new bed with swish squidgy carpet and whimsical wallpaper. I'm so spoiled.
I'm trying to get Centrelink to give me some money for studying, but it's never that simple, is it?
My computer is having issues. If you're a Mac user you'll know how important it is for the Finder application to work. Yeah, mine isn't responding. We'll see if a restart helps after this.
I have good friends. I have quite a number of wonderful friends who I can easily talk to all day about anything and everything. And I have lodged myself (pun intended) into the lives of such fantastic people here in London - not just my housies but everyone at my church.
Speaking of church, I've started reading Romans and I'm using a book called Search the Scriptures for an accompanying study. I didn't feel I was in the right place to go to the Sharing Jesus course that's being held at my church, but it's about time I got stuck into what God is about instead of farting around with my issues. I'm sick of fighting and moping and I just wanna come back. I'm reading Pilgrim's Progress which I'm thoroughly enjoying - I recommend it! But I don't think I would have understood it much earlier in my life. It requires a way of thinking that I probably wasn't open to as a legalistic and narrow-minded teenager. I think anyone could still benefit from it, though.
I think about next year quite often, but I never think beyond that. I think I'd like to move back to Armidale, but I can't really envisage anything further. I still want to go to South America some day to see a culture that's so different to rural New South Wales and my pocket of north west London, and I want to visit lots of other places besides, so I hope I won't do anything to prevent that opportunity. At the same time I don't want to get bored or restless or too comfortable when I'm back home. I say "when" intentionally, because despite what some of you may have said before I left, my heart has not been whisked away by an Englishman and though it makes me so, so sad to think I'll have to leave one day, it was only ever a two-year visa.
It does make me sad, though. I will miss catching the tube - I love the bit where everyone alights from the train together and walks towards the ticket barriers, I will miss the look of the houses and the ever-green grass, I will miss all the different accents. But most of all my friends who are almost a surrogate family. I love them.
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Monday, 11 November 2013
Not many words
Er, I probably should have mentioned that I'm home safe now. I kept the Facebook updates coming but neglected my blog. It's been really nice so far, the wedding was lovely and definitely worth every second on the plane to have been a part of it. Being with family is lovely, and the smell of an Australian spring (with thunderstorms!) is a real treat.
Wednesday, 6 November 2013
For the worriers.
I'm at heathrow airport waiting for my gate to open. My flight takes off at 8:20pm London time. After that, I won't be using my UK mobile number - so no viber or Whatsapp. When I get to Sydney I'll put my oldAustralian SIM card in my phone and hopefully it will work! I'll try and keep updates coming on Facebook. Don't freak out if I haven't posted before Friday morning, it just means I'm out of battery or data on my phone. My auntie is meeting me at Sydney airport at 8am which will be lovely!! I'm feeling far more relaxed than I was a few hours ago. It's happening! I'm coming home.
Wednesday, 9 October 2013
Gut Feelings
I'm really fretting about my home visit. I've said before that I'm worried I'll just cry the whole entire week... A few days is barely enough to even hug my family. I'll be so incredibly tired and rocked. I'm scared I won't want to come back; but at the same time the thought that I'll have to leave this part of the world behind one day makes me really sad. I've grown attached to my London. Well, the people here. Not so much the city. But I will miss the tube. And the variety of accents.
It's not that I'm not excited. I am. I cannot wait for the wedding! It's going to be amazing, and if I cry there it will be for joy. I can't wait to see my family and friends and wake up to magpies singing and see how my garden has grown (OK so maybe it's not my garden) and to go to St Marks and see all the beautiful kids who have probably grown a few inches taller by now. But I could crash and burn (either when I'm back in London or on the plane - literally). It could make me even more indecisive about what to do next year.
I'll have to say goodbye all over again.
That's going to be really, really hard.
I've been feeling pretty rotten for the last two weeks because I'm in the process of changing medication. It's making me even more tired than usual and I'm waking up feeling hungry and nauseous at the same time. Of course, that really saps my supply of patience and anybody knows that getting kids ready for school in the morning can be a bit of an ordeal. I'm going to try my hardest to get to bed early every night I can, and hope that these side effects will go away. Waking up to the prospect of the stress of the morning doesn't help. I need to get more things going during the day: things I can look forward to. I had coffee with a friend yesterday which was real nice; and though it was only an hour, having to go out and get the tube and having a nice conversation with a peer (!!) was really worthwhile. It's funny how you can feel less tired if you've been occupied for a lot of the day than if you sat around not doing much.
So that's a little of where I'm at right now. There is a heck of a lot more I could write, but not here. Besides, I feel like I've talked a lot of things out with a lot of people but haven't got as far as dealing with anything, because I still don't know what can be done. What can be done? I'm not Wonder Woman. A lot of the time I feel like I'm not cut out for this. I'm not a parent. But maybe I'm not trying hard enough. It's not my fault things are the way they are, but am I helping? I don't know what to do.
It's not that I'm not excited. I am. I cannot wait for the wedding! It's going to be amazing, and if I cry there it will be for joy. I can't wait to see my family and friends and wake up to magpies singing and see how my garden has grown (OK so maybe it's not my garden) and to go to St Marks and see all the beautiful kids who have probably grown a few inches taller by now. But I could crash and burn (either when I'm back in London or on the plane - literally). It could make me even more indecisive about what to do next year.
I'll have to say goodbye all over again.
That's going to be really, really hard.
I've been feeling pretty rotten for the last two weeks because I'm in the process of changing medication. It's making me even more tired than usual and I'm waking up feeling hungry and nauseous at the same time. Of course, that really saps my supply of patience and anybody knows that getting kids ready for school in the morning can be a bit of an ordeal. I'm going to try my hardest to get to bed early every night I can, and hope that these side effects will go away. Waking up to the prospect of the stress of the morning doesn't help. I need to get more things going during the day: things I can look forward to. I had coffee with a friend yesterday which was real nice; and though it was only an hour, having to go out and get the tube and having a nice conversation with a peer (!!) was really worthwhile. It's funny how you can feel less tired if you've been occupied for a lot of the day than if you sat around not doing much.
So that's a little of where I'm at right now. There is a heck of a lot more I could write, but not here. Besides, I feel like I've talked a lot of things out with a lot of people but haven't got as far as dealing with anything, because I still don't know what can be done. What can be done? I'm not Wonder Woman. A lot of the time I feel like I'm not cut out for this. I'm not a parent. But maybe I'm not trying hard enough. It's not my fault things are the way they are, but am I helping? I don't know what to do.
Friday, 20 September 2013
Apples
I got Spotify premium. No more ads, and any song I want on my phone any time - I'm one happy chappy. But I might be sitting at the table and have my phone playing on the dock, and I'll think of something and want to Google it straight away - oh no! I can't! I think I'm apple-dicted. Oh well.
Yesterday I spent an hour or so thinking about my future. Result: I'm definitely staying in England until mid-late June of next year (except for the quick duck to Australia in 7 weeks!!). I'm hoping to start a Bachelor of Education (Primary) through UNE part time by distance in February next year, whilst over here obviously. I believe I'll have the time to do it because both the kids are at school full time as of next week. It will be good to get other parts of my brain active again. Until then I'm going to fill my time with a pottery course if I can find one that suits me, and volunteering at the kid's school if they'll have me. And more of the usual: watching TV, eating, more meeting up with friends & other Au Pairs, going to the nearby shopping centres... Oh and I'm going to get back into craft when I find a good shop. I'm also going to have to buy a new computer soon, as Horatio (current MacBook) is getting quite old and outdated. I guess I'll get a MacBook Pro, but I'll have to get one from home not the UK I suppose... It's awkward when I have to type the pound sign.
Well a lot of that was a bit trivial. About the primary teaching degree, maybe some (Mum) will read it and think 'UNE!?! Are you mad??' Well it's not the best uni but I'm already enrolled there (I deferred my arts degree for two years at the beginning of this year) and if I'm going to study by distance it may as well be from the one in my home town. Some may think 'primary teaching? are you mad??' Maybe. I thought I was sure about it a few months ago. Being a nanny has taught me a lot and sometimes makes me doubt I could do the job, but I had doubts about coping away from home and here I am - coping.
I still have to decide what I'm doing for the rest of my life?!
Hey I just got a link: Application - App - Apple. Clever sneaky people.
So I could stay on with what I'm doing after June next year, maybe till the new year. I like to round things off at a nice time. I probably ought to do some more traveling, but to be honest I'm not dying to go to Europe right away. If I never got to go I wouldn't really mind. I'd rather spend a year (or less - don't panic!) teaching at a school in South America. I've always wanted to do that. I'd also like to go to India. I won't have heaps of money saved when my visa runs out, and obviously I'll have to have somewhere to live and something to live on when I settle Down Under again to finish my degree. And then I'll be off again... or maybe not. Who knows. Some people want their life mapped out before them, but where's the fun in that? I've got lots of ideas floating around above my head - maybe they're apples - and if my choices didn't affect anybody I'd happily keep them up there until one was ripe and ready to eat. But you can't flit around carelessly like that. I'm going to make my decision about next year after the Australia trip. It's hardly a trip. More like a stop over. I wonder if anyone's getting married in Abu Dhabi while I'm there...
Yesterday I spent an hour or so thinking about my future. Result: I'm definitely staying in England until mid-late June of next year (except for the quick duck to Australia in 7 weeks!!). I'm hoping to start a Bachelor of Education (Primary) through UNE part time by distance in February next year, whilst over here obviously. I believe I'll have the time to do it because both the kids are at school full time as of next week. It will be good to get other parts of my brain active again. Until then I'm going to fill my time with a pottery course if I can find one that suits me, and volunteering at the kid's school if they'll have me. And more of the usual: watching TV, eating, more meeting up with friends & other Au Pairs, going to the nearby shopping centres... Oh and I'm going to get back into craft when I find a good shop. I'm also going to have to buy a new computer soon, as Horatio (current MacBook) is getting quite old and outdated. I guess I'll get a MacBook Pro, but I'll have to get one from home not the UK I suppose... It's awkward when I have to type the pound sign.
Well a lot of that was a bit trivial. About the primary teaching degree, maybe some (Mum) will read it and think 'UNE!?! Are you mad??' Well it's not the best uni but I'm already enrolled there (I deferred my arts degree for two years at the beginning of this year) and if I'm going to study by distance it may as well be from the one in my home town. Some may think 'primary teaching? are you mad??' Maybe. I thought I was sure about it a few months ago. Being a nanny has taught me a lot and sometimes makes me doubt I could do the job, but I had doubts about coping away from home and here I am - coping.
I still have to decide what I'm doing for the rest of my life?!
Hey I just got a link: Application - App - Apple. Clever sneaky people.
So I could stay on with what I'm doing after June next year, maybe till the new year. I like to round things off at a nice time. I probably ought to do some more traveling, but to be honest I'm not dying to go to Europe right away. If I never got to go I wouldn't really mind. I'd rather spend a year (or less - don't panic!) teaching at a school in South America. I've always wanted to do that. I'd also like to go to India. I won't have heaps of money saved when my visa runs out, and obviously I'll have to have somewhere to live and something to live on when I settle Down Under again to finish my degree. And then I'll be off again... or maybe not. Who knows. Some people want their life mapped out before them, but where's the fun in that? I've got lots of ideas floating around above my head - maybe they're apples - and if my choices didn't affect anybody I'd happily keep them up there until one was ripe and ready to eat. But you can't flit around carelessly like that. I'm going to make my decision about next year after the Australia trip. It's hardly a trip. More like a stop over. I wonder if anyone's getting married in Abu Dhabi while I'm there...
Thursday, 12 September 2013
At the end of the day
Here we go: I miss my family and I feel like I've suddenly become (but am so unfit to be) a parent. I like my church and am making friends there. I'm excited about going home but still have no idea what I'll be doing in the second half of next year. A couple of big changes (not necessarily good ones) and some tough correspondence have given me much to think about (which I won't do enough of) but hardly anything to type because it's a public blog!?! Am I making sense? Oh well. Wanting to rant but I just can't! And I can't to my mum either. It's a good thing. But I get so teary when I watch movies where there's an emotional parting or a reunion of any kind... Oh I tried watching Breaking Bad but I couldn't get past the bodies... and the acid... yeeurgk. I need to buy welly boots (gumboots) because it's autumn and raining (genuine yay!) and I bought a cute pair of slippers that are zebras. I'm looking for a pottery course to do because I've always wanted to do that! I'm scared to come home for those few days. I have nightmares about the plane trips and I worry that it'll be so hard to leave again. I have planted myself here though and I'm definitely staying at least until I'm finished. But what then??
Sometimes I get the urge to do a bit of marketing for this blog. In all seriousness, sometimes I don't know what I should write here. Who reads it? Do they just want travel photos? That's what Google is for. Or day to day life? "Today I woke up and it had been raining. I had fruit salad for breakfast with honey and the kids were pretty good but didn't want to brush their teeth." Or lots and lots of feelings? Sometimes I think I'm writing to the whole world and sometimes I just want it to be my close or not-as-close-as-I-wish-they-were friends who see my confessions. SOMEONE VISIT ME PLEASE [big smiley face]
Today marks:
Being 21 for 1 month
Having broken my nose 2 months ago (all healed)
Having been here for 4 months and 1 day (wow!!)
Less than 2 months till I'm home!!! And Sarah and Dave get married!!!!!!
Also, next year I am twice my brother's age.
Sometimes I get the urge to do a bit of marketing for this blog. In all seriousness, sometimes I don't know what I should write here. Who reads it? Do they just want travel photos? That's what Google is for. Or day to day life? "Today I woke up and it had been raining. I had fruit salad for breakfast with honey and the kids were pretty good but didn't want to brush their teeth." Or lots and lots of feelings? Sometimes I think I'm writing to the whole world and sometimes I just want it to be my close or not-as-close-as-I-wish-they-were friends who see my confessions. SOMEONE VISIT ME PLEASE [big smiley face]
Today marks:
Being 21 for 1 month
Having broken my nose 2 months ago (all healed)
Having been here for 4 months and 1 day (wow!!)
Less than 2 months till I'm home!!! And Sarah and Dave get married!!!!!!
Also, next year I am twice my brother's age.
Tuesday, 27 August 2013
Feeling the pull of my home
Right now, after visiting a Facebook page, I am REALLY TEMPTED to get a new account... So I thought I'd put a desperate plea out there for some Armidillian & general Aussie love. Please email with even the most trivial of news and PHOTOS. That would be tops. I just need to see my friends. Please. Just no bushwalking snaps because that would be make me insanely homesick and jealous.
BUT it's 75 days until I'm home for a visit! Yes that's right! Nothing but divine intervention will stop me now from getting to that wedding. I'm super duper excited. Unfortunately it's a super duper short stay, and by that I mean Friday 8th Nov - Tuesday 12th Nov (yeah I'm gonna be wrecked). I wasn't going to make a big thing of it because I will not physically be able to see everyone that I would like to, but what the heck. If you're around that weekend I'll see you at church and maybe I will have some kind of gathering! Yay!!
BUT it's 75 days until I'm home for a visit! Yes that's right! Nothing but divine intervention will stop me now from getting to that wedding. I'm super duper excited. Unfortunately it's a super duper short stay, and by that I mean Friday 8th Nov - Tuesday 12th Nov (yeah I'm gonna be wrecked). I wasn't going to make a big thing of it because I will not physically be able to see everyone that I would like to, but what the heck. If you're around that weekend I'll see you at church and maybe I will have some kind of gathering! Yay!!
Saturday, 10 August 2013
[cliché song lyric]
Well one perk of having your birthday overseas is that you get to open your cards & presents early...
...and I just opened the parcel from my family. When I pulled put the big card with my favourite elephant wrapping paper and messages from so many friends back home I just cried and cried. I miss everybody so much. Thanks for your well wishes! Even just seeing familiar handwriting is nice. I loved the card - if I liked the love languages idea, mine would be cards with warm fuzzies from fam&friends and pretty elephants so I'm thrilled. The presents were great too of course!
One big thing I'm learning is that it is such an invaluable thing to have people who know you well and still love you - and when they're far away it's haaard. But it's OK. I've reached the stage where if (when) I were to go back I would definitely miss this part of the world: the people in it. Little Miss sometimes asks who her next carer will be, and yesterday she added "it'll be sad when you go." It will be!! On Monday I hadn't seen her for a week and about every half an hour (not kidding) she would say "Jess," "Yes?" "I love you."
...and I just opened the parcel from my family. When I pulled put the big card with my favourite elephant wrapping paper and messages from so many friends back home I just cried and cried. I miss everybody so much. Thanks for your well wishes! Even just seeing familiar handwriting is nice. I loved the card - if I liked the love languages idea, mine would be cards with warm fuzzies from fam&friends and pretty elephants so I'm thrilled. The presents were great too of course!
One big thing I'm learning is that it is such an invaluable thing to have people who know you well and still love you - and when they're far away it's haaard. But it's OK. I've reached the stage where if (when) I were to go back I would definitely miss this part of the world: the people in it. Little Miss sometimes asks who her next carer will be, and yesterday she added "it'll be sad when you go." It will be!! On Monday I hadn't seen her for a week and about every half an hour (not kidding) she would say "Jess," "Yes?" "I love you."
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