Overcast Day

You know those dreary days...
It's probably a bad idea to blog right now, but I'm bored.


I stayed up late last night finishing an assignment. I am very much a last minute person. I'm glad I'm doing uni, and I enjoy the readings when they're not a chore. I love writing but I not when it's on somebody else's words.
"Do you want to be a teacher?" I ask myself. "Yes." "Then you simply have to do this."
".........OK."


I'm almost at the end of Week 5 of 6 here in the office. The weeks themselves flew by, but the daaays draaaaaaag like stringy cheese on pizza in a bad way. There's horizontal rain outside. Lovely. I like the walk to the station in the evenings (it will clear up, yes it will) (oh that was thunder, oh dear) and even the tube ride is fun. It's great for people watching - guessing the job, the relationship status, the contentment in life... Maybe that last one is a bit weird. I love changing platforms without even thinking - like a pro - and watching London out the train window as the sun sets for the day. A few days ago I saw a builder man walking along the scaffolding several stories high, and I wooshed past with Paul Kelly in my ear. It was beautiful. It's a part of my London adventure that's once-in-a-lifetime type moment.


Still lovin' mah church. It's my family and my whole life over here. At the moment I'm finding it really hard to know I'm going to have to leave. Am I? Yes. I want to be at home too. It's hard. I'm homesick though I don't want to be yet, but of course I am because I miss my family and friends and sometimes I wonder if Australia is even any different to the UK.. are we even a nation of our own? And then I see a photo with a gum tree or I think about the days I used to go barefoot outside and hang with people who are capable of making fart jokes and I know I'll never be British. I feel kinda cooped up in the city. There's no where you can be where no one can see you. No rivers or paddocks (fields) or backyards out of earshot of anybody. I need to get out more...


See this is why I only write when I feel like it. Don't be disappointed when my posts are few and far between - the days I didn't write are the days I would have liked to have a right old moan about life. You've dodged yourself many bullets. Either that or I was too busy having a nice time to bother with condensing it into words.

Without the Rave

Well, I've seen the end of boredom. It's here. My course content is now available online so I can get cracking with it! Hooray!

I really miss my family at the moment. And I often wish I was at home so I could be with my Aussie friends. But I realised today that I'm scared that their lives will go forward and in a year or so too much will have changed. So many getting married! So many moving away! I want to be there now, and enjoy it how it is now, but I definitely also want to be here now, with these people, and sometimes I feel like I have to decide who I love more. How silly. But it's hard.

Oh and the money-from-the-government thing is a no-go. Ah well. At least my computer is working!

I'm stressed about being jobless and I'm losing faith on that front. What can I do? I need a job. Stress is rotten. I don't feel it all that much (usually my body deals with pressure by exerting it through an allergenic/infectious reaction), but even when I do it's not all that bad. So I really feel for people who have super stressful jobs or lives because it's so encumbering. When I was deciding whether or not to leave my last "job" I literally couldn't go a minute without the weight of the decision pressing down on me. Oh, you say, wait till you're a teacher... Hmm yeah. We'll cross that bridge after we've had a bit of a picnic.

I listened to some Mark Driscoll sermons. I never thought I would say that, because a) I never did like Mark Driscoll (until now), and b) I never listen to sermons online; but I found them really, really intriguing. I had a prejudiced and ill-informed opinion of Driscoll: that he was pompous and aggressive, but I really took to his frankness and his funniness. He doesn't mess about. I think that sometimes he gets carried away with being so avant-guarde but I appreciated what he had to say. Here's the link http://marshill.com/media/vintagejesus

And thanks to a wise woman who told me to watch the one on the resurrection - when was it - this time last year? Or earlier? I never did until now. But I'm glad I have. Thanks.

I get annoyed when people worship preachers like Driscoll or Piper or [drop another name here] as though it's their amazing wisdom that is saving the world. Yes, some people have brilliant brains and a unique knack for explaining things, but they're only human and they still do a poo. (I stole that from a lady who gave one of the many inspirational talks you're fed in high school. She was talking about 'the cool kids' and she said "when you're thinking about how great they are, just remember that they still do a poo." Cracked me up then, and I still use the technique sometimes. Never fails to entertain.)

And another thing: this one I stole from a good friend. She said to me "I think it's terrible how people [in church] feel that they have to leave... in order to step down from positions in the church" and I said "Who in particular?" and she said "Well, you..."
It's the truth. I know people who have got so busy with ministry, they burnt out, then left; and if they were anything like me, it was partly because you felt like people knew you as Jess-the-very-involved and now that you were just a shell of a person and couldn't be everything people expected of you, you had to go. I think that coming to London has been really, really good for me, and I'm so lucky I've fallen into a great church community, (well luck has nothing to do with it if there's a God), but it's a shame about the circumstances that lead me here. I believe I was in leadership too young. Too young as a Christian and too young as a person. I loved it, and I learnt a lot from it - more than that, I wouldn't be who I am if I had never been on the youth group team - but in hindsight I can see that I needed a lot more maturity and life experience than I had before I could take on that role.
Anyway, they're just my thoughts and I'd be happy to talk to anyone who has any ideas or opinions of their own. I've had a good life so far and I'm not suggesting that anyone ever did me wrong. I just have a different view as to when I was a teenager. All those many years ago...

Thoughts From My Head

I still have no job. I had a pretty low moment last week after four local recruitment agencies turned me away on account of my lack of experience in office work which is apparently all they offer. But these things take time, people say, and I guess whatever needs to happen will happen when it's meant to.

Uni starts in less than three weeks! I have one textbook so far. I wrote my name in the front.

It's raining here.

I have moved into the newly decorated room of the house, and it is just divine. I'm in a brand new bed with swish squidgy carpet and whimsical wallpaper. I'm so spoiled.

I'm trying to get Centrelink to give me some money for studying, but it's never that simple, is it?

My computer is having issues. If you're a Mac user you'll know how important it is for the Finder application to work. Yeah, mine isn't responding. We'll see if a restart helps after this.

I have good friends. I have quite a number of wonderful friends who I can easily talk to all day about anything and everything. And I have lodged myself (pun intended) into the lives of such fantastic people here in London - not just my housies but everyone at my church.

Speaking of church, I've started reading Romans and I'm using a book called Search the Scriptures for an accompanying study. I didn't feel I was in the right place to go to the Sharing Jesus course that's being held at my church, but it's about time I got stuck into what God is about instead of farting around with my issues. I'm sick of fighting and moping and I just wanna come back. I'm reading Pilgrim's Progress which I'm thoroughly enjoying - I recommend it! But I don't think I would have understood it much earlier in my life. It requires a way of thinking that I probably wasn't open to as a legalistic and narrow-minded teenager. I think anyone could still benefit from it, though.

I think about next year quite often, but I never think beyond that. I think I'd like to move back to Armidale, but I can't really envisage anything further. I still want to go to South America some day to see a culture that's so different to rural New South Wales and my pocket of north west London, and I want to visit lots of other places besides, so I hope I won't do anything to prevent that opportunity. At the same time I don't want to get bored or restless or too comfortable when I'm back home. I say "when" intentionally, because despite what some of you may have said before I left, my heart has not been whisked away by an Englishman and though it makes me so, so sad to think I'll have to leave one day, it was only ever a two-year visa.

It does make me sad, though. I will miss catching the tube - I love the bit where everyone alights from the train together and walks towards the ticket barriers, I will miss the look of the houses and the ever-green grass, I will miss all the different accents. But most of all my friends who are almost a surrogate family. I love them.

Standing on the tip of the rabbit's fur, while doing not very much

Is anybody really that shocked to realise I've failed miserably at my one and only New Year's Resolution? Hey, it's alright. I only make goals with a short term benefit in mind so when my momentum fizzles out it usually means I've done enough.

I don't have a job yet. I'm going mad with boredom (but hanging around middle class British people makes me feel like I'm mad already by comparison). I guess I don't want to start anything else or commit to anything until I've got an income and a bit more of a routine (at the moment it's: eat, sleep, doddle around, repeat), but it would probably help to fill some time if I have another month or so. But by then...

I'm enrolled in the University of New England to study a Bachelor of Education (Primary) off-campus starting February 24th. All I need is to sort out my textbooks and I'm set to go! It's very exciting.

In the last few days I've picked up Housito's bass guitar and taught m'self some riiiiffffs. That's been fun. I listen to a lot of music all day which is nice. My week is full of Saturdays, and so I look forward to the weekend not because it's a time to relax, but because it's a time to get out and see people and do stuff. Having said that, I often leave my washing till Real Saturday anyway. Oh well.
I do make myself somewhat useful during the week. The post office folk must think I run a shop on eBay for how often I'm in there. I'm an unofficial PA, and I love it because it makes me feel helpful.

Where am I at with life thoughts? I wish I knew. I get myself into knots over my questions and I've been trying to figure it all out thinking that if I did that I'd be able to have faith again, but I guess that makes me God, doesn't it. I'm a principled and proud person, so I could never push all my issues aside and "be Christian" again just to be at peace. It wouldn't be true peace, and it would be for the wrong reasons. At the moment I don't love God because I find it hard to believe that he is good, and I couldn't pretend to love him until I got stuff sorted. I don't know if that makes sense in words.
But as I go along and put together my minipiphanies (mini epiphanies), things become better. I realise that that's giving myself credit for understanding the world - oh clever me - so maybe it's God revealing stuff to me and allowing me to learn things. An example would be, for instance, that if God isn't real then love and evil are arbitrary and what does it matter if I'm doing something with selfish or false motivation. So I may as well hope that God is real, and is good. And the other day I thought to myself "if God isn't loving, where does love come from?" Our pastor talked about being a slave last Sunday, and I wondered what my master is at the moment. Broadly speaking it's my sinful nature, but more specifically, is one of them philosophy? Yes, that sounds pretentious, but perhaps the devil has me wrapped up in obsessing over how to make sense of God and the world so as to blind me from the simple message of the gospel (well maybe not simple, but sufficient). Even as I write this I feel detached from it all. For ages I blamed it on the meds (not long till I'm finished! hanging out for a normal metabolism again..!), but it's people like my dad who bring me down to the earth again and basically say - in kinder words - "you don't want to accept that you need God." I guess that's why I'm trying to understand everything on my own. How many times have I contradicted myself? My entire life is a contradiction I guess. One could say "at least you're honest" - but it has been too long. Is it God holding out on me, or is it me hesitating because of my pride? Does it matter? I don't want to live like this forever.

That's all I'm going to write for now.

THE BIG UPDATE

There is SO MUCH emotion in me that as I begin to write my brain probably looks like a thousand miniature Van de Graaf generators being shaken around in an upturned bowl of jelly. There is no way I could cover everything that has happened in the last few months and my reactions to it all. If you want a nice, neat summary... go away. But seriously, unless you know me well and care about my life, you're probably wasting your time reading this. Enjoy!

Where to start?

OK, so my last few posts have been quite mysterious and most likely a bit frustrating. I really am sorry! Boy, I have wished that I could just have a good old rant, but it's the world wide web. People's lives can't be strung up all over it like reeds on a submerged shopping trolley. Not nice.
Well, a week and a half ago I gave notice the family I'm with. It was indeed the hardest decision I've ever made in my life, and it tore me up and stressed me out for a long time. I'm still not fully at peace but I hope I will be soon. I feel sad, and guilty, and scared, and I feel like a failure and the worst human being to ever make a promise, but I believe it is for the best, and it was the right decision.
This is the really cool part: my church family. I cannot use mere words to tell you how grateful I am for the love they have. You see, I wasn't ready to come back to Australia for good. It was the only other option, really, that I had to go with if I were to decide to leave this position, since I didn't particularly want to go to another family. One day I was expressing these very thoughts to a lovely couple at my church... and then whatdya know, a week later I've claimed their spare room. I'm not there yet but I will be when I get back from Aus! I don't know how I can express just how thankful I am for their incredible kindness - imagine, some girl from the other side of the world walking in the church doors, and five months later you're opening up your house to her. I am completely astounded by their willingness to help me! They're fantastic people, and I am really, really looking forward to getting to know them even better. Praise God! He answered our prayers in a way that I couldn't have dreamt of. So then I will need to find another job. I think I want to do something quite different this time. Anything will do, really. I've got savings for now so I'm OK, but if things don't go well I might come home after all. Call me crazy, but I never did have a year-by-year plan for my life anyway.

I've noticed that all too often I write a sentence (or question), and then I put a comma and a conjunction and write another clause. Maybe I should just go with my natural rhythm and try not to edit them out too much, but is it annoying? Have you noticed it, or have you blissfully read on up until this point and thought "oh gee what is she talking about?" Maybe it's the linguist in me, but I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to writing. A lot of the time I'm all too proud, and I'm coming to accept that have ridiculously high expectations of myself.

(OK Jess you really overdid it there. No one is going to think that was clever. Now you're having to point out the irony. Totally killed it. Way to go all Monty Python in a not-very-funny post.)

I don't know how many times I've edited this post (and you left in that paragraph about grammar?!), but even now I'm hesitant to publish. It's so hard to be honest and careful at the same time. You know me - my heart could be my sleeve. But some things just happen and we have to deal with it as best we can and move on without making a scene. Right now I'm such a muddle of guilt, regret, frustration, fear, sadness, gratitude and joy... and there's nothing I can do but keep- (DON'T even think it. I'm not British enough for that tiresome cliché.)

The other big news requires some back story. This is scary for me to write. I'm just going to have to be very succinct, I'm afraid. But feel free to ask me anything if you want to! I hope this isn't inappropriate sharing, and I hope no one is hurt by it's up-until-recent concealment. Um, really, if we're not that close you won't want to read this.

Basically, I've been struggling as a Christian for years. I've had depression since I was twelve, but after I finished school for a long time it was quite constant. When doubts about faith and God and stuff first sprang into my mind (at the end of 2010) I found it really hard to fight them off as well as fighting off the lies and pain that are drip-fed by the black dog (depression). As one got worse so did the other, and though I tried to work it out I never seemed to have it right. It was like things were falling out of my life and God was sitting back watching as I sunk further away from joy and love. Eventually I lost faith in him, and had to stop doing "Christian" things. Leaving the youth group team at the end of last year crushed me, but I was already so burnt out (for the second time) and angry I knew I had no choice. I stopped singing, taking communion, praying, everything. I could no longer call myself a believer. I hated God.

But I felt as though everyone (except those I was truly honest with) still saw me as a solid servant of Jesus. I would have been so sad to leave church and let so many people down, I already felt bad enough. So I came to England, hoping that I would find God over here and sort myself out... but there is no quick-fix solution. A month ago I thought I had come to the point where I would never be able to turn back and that was really scary. For the last couple of years I have lived with my family as the most important thing in my life, but not sharing their love for God and knowing I would be alone when they die, well, it's awful. But I could also feel my heart softening and my thinking starting to be less tainted by bitterness. How could it not soften, with the amazing goodness I've been shown just recently? Church here has been the highlight of my week - spending time with a shining community of believers. I love St Marks, of course, but because of my struggles I found it so, so, so hard. I used to cry after most services as I walked to my car. Many times beforehand as well. DON'T WORRY! There's good news a-comin'.

A few Sundays ago, we sang In Christ Alone at the morning service. And in a tiny voice I croaked along. I actually sang. In church. I hadn't done that for a whole year. I started praying (actually praying!!) that God would help me in my unbelief. And then last Thursday morning, as I was getting dressed, I decided that I wanted to believe in God again. I want to believe fully that he is good, and loving, and involved, and cares, and that the cross was enough to pay for the sins of the world. And this morning at church the first song was In Christ Alone. I sang it. I didn't belt it out but I sang it. I'm still praying that God will help my unbelief, because there is a lot of mess to get through, but I'm back. I'm hid in Christ. Hopefully!

How are you feeling, a bit drenched in heart-puss? (I just made up that term.) Yeah, well, I did tell ya. And, though it should be quite obvious: I'm going to be a tired, emotionally drained, jet lagged, overwhelmed, happy-beyond-words, guilt stricken, t dropping, untanned, crazy as always version of myself, so be warned! Oh man, I can't wait!!

Not Quite News

Updates are definitely getting few and far between. This is not because nothing is happening, quite the opposite in fact. It's because what's been happening is not exactly exciting adventure news... And I still can't really write everything I wish I could, as it's not really public knowledge.

I know, I'm sorry! I hate being vague! I'm doing OK. I've had an awful time trying to decide what to do about my situation (I suspect that the nausea and tiredness had more to do with that than the medication did); and having come to a decision I have peace, but also a lot of guilt and dread and sadness. I will fill in the gaps one day, but it's all a bit delicate right now. Just to reaffirm: I am fine. I'm not sick, or in danger, or in trouble.

On the bright side, I love church more than ever and I'm so grateful for the fantastic people there. I know that sounds so corny, but I honestly wonder where I'd be without their genuine love and kindness, and how I would spend my weekend if I didn't have such fun and easy-going friends! Having Facebook back has constantly reminded me how much I miss my friends back home, of course, and I can't wait to see you all in less than two weeks!

It's raining here, and everybody has been talking about the oncoming storm that's meant to be the biggest in two years! I love wearing my coat. It's so thick and heavy and it has toggles. Apparently "togs" (swimmers if you're a Queenslander) is a measurement of how warm your duvet is. Never knew this. Also, "flip them the bird" is not an expression used here. Neither is "say what?" That always gets a good laugh.

Title

Right so it has been a while since my last post. Apologies! I actually wrote a very short one the other day, but I've just checked my phone and the publishing failed. Oops.

It's three weeks until I will be in Armidale! Wow. That's crazy.
Things are tricky here. Tricky is a mild word. Hard would be a better term, but it's so overused and quite vague. I'm having to make a BIG LIFE DECISION in the next couple of weeks (um, no, I'm not dating/pregnant/wanting plastic surgery) and it is stressing me out. Sorry I can't really write more details.

On a positive note, the side effects have mostly ceased. I don't wake up feeling sick anymore. That may also be because of circumstantial changes. Mum and I suspect that the new medication was doing wacky stuff to my metabolism (I get really full on much less than usual then I'm starving two hours later, also lost some weight). Now instead of taking it after I wake up, I make sure I've had breakfast first. I'm not a doctor, but the doctor who gave it to me didn't really give me much guidance so hopefully I'm doing the right thing.
Also, I've started the couch to 5k jogging program... I know, you're shocked right? So not me. But I'm really enjoying it!

As usual, I'm loving church. The students are here (term started in Septemper) and people are just so lovely. I've also been going to a home group (which Little Man called 'church group' 'church box' and 'smart box') which is great. We're going through a book called Search the Scriptures, and we're in Matthew at the moment. Parables - not as simple as they seem!

I'm reading over what I've written and it is actually quite positive! I've been doing SO MUCH whining and deliberating in the last week especially, that I was assuming it would be more of that. It's funny how we switch our thinking when we're limited by what we can say.
If you're the praying type, I need wisdom. WISDOM. I need to make the right decision, because what I do will affect me and other people too. Sorry again that you don't have the whole story. Well some people do. Like Mum and Dad. Good old folks, always there when you need 'em. Except when it's 3am in Australia and they're not signed in to Skype. But hey. I know they love me.

Gut Feelings

I'm really fretting about my home visit. I've said before that I'm worried I'll just cry the whole entire week... A few days is barely enough to even hug my family. I'll be so incredibly tired and rocked. I'm scared I won't want to come back; but at the same time the thought that I'll have to leave this part of the world behind one day makes me really sad. I've grown attached to my London. Well, the people here. Not so much the city. But I will miss the tube. And the variety of accents.

It's not that I'm not excited. I am. I cannot wait for the wedding! It's going to be amazing, and if I cry there it will be for joy. I can't wait to see my family and friends and wake up to magpies singing and see how my garden has grown (OK so maybe it's not my garden) and to go to St Marks and see all the beautiful kids who have probably grown a few inches taller by now. But I could crash and burn (either when I'm back in London or on the plane - literally). It could make me even more indecisive about what to do next year.

I'll have to say goodbye all over again.
That's going to be really, really hard.

I've been feeling pretty rotten for the last two weeks because I'm in the process of changing medication. It's making me even more tired than usual and I'm waking up feeling hungry and nauseous at the same time. Of course, that really saps my supply of patience and anybody knows that getting kids ready for school in the morning can be a bit of an ordeal. I'm going to try my hardest to get to bed early every night I can, and hope that these side effects will go away. Waking up to the prospect of the stress of the morning doesn't help. I need to get more things going during the day: things I can look forward to. I had coffee with a friend yesterday which was real nice; and though it was only an hour, having to go out and get the tube and having a nice conversation with a peer (!!) was really worthwhile. It's funny how you can feel less tired if you've been occupied for a lot of the day than if you sat around not doing much.

So that's a little of where I'm at right now. There is a heck of a lot more I could write, but not here. Besides, I feel like I've talked a lot of things out with a lot of people but haven't got as far as dealing with anything, because I still don't know what can be done. What can be done? I'm not Wonder Woman. A lot of the time I feel like I'm not cut out for this. I'm not a parent. But maybe I'm not trying hard enough. It's not my fault things are the way they are, but am I helping? I don't know what to do.

At the end of the day

Here we go: I miss my family and I feel like I've suddenly become (but am so unfit to be) a parent. I like my church and am making friends there. I'm excited about going home but still have no idea what I'll be doing in the second half of next year. A couple of big changes (not necessarily good ones) and some tough correspondence have given me much to think about (which I won't do enough of) but hardly anything to type because it's a public blog!?! Am I making sense? Oh well. Wanting to rant but I just can't! And I can't to my mum either. It's a good thing. But I get so teary when I watch movies where there's an emotional parting or a reunion of any kind... Oh I tried watching Breaking Bad but I couldn't get past the bodies... and the acid... yeeurgk. I need to buy welly boots (gumboots) because it's autumn and raining (genuine yay!) and I bought a cute pair of slippers that are zebras. I'm looking for a pottery course to do because I've always wanted to do that! I'm scared to come home for those few days. I have nightmares about the plane trips and I worry that it'll be so hard to leave again. I have planted myself here though and I'm definitely staying at least until I'm finished. But what then??

Sometimes I get the urge to do a bit of marketing for this blog. In all seriousness, sometimes I don't know what I should write here. Who reads it? Do they just want travel photos? That's what Google is for. Or day to day life? "Today I woke up and it had been raining. I had fruit salad for breakfast with honey and the kids were pretty good but didn't want to brush their teeth." Or lots and lots of feelings? Sometimes I think I'm writing to the whole world and sometimes I just want it to be my close or not-as-close-as-I-wish-they-were friends who see my confessions. SOMEONE VISIT ME PLEASE [big smiley face]

Today marks:
Being 21 for 1 month
Having broken my nose 2 months ago (all healed)
Having been here for 4 months and 1 day (wow!!)
Less than 2 months till I'm home!!! And Sarah and Dave get married!!!!!!
Also, next year I am twice my brother's age.

Productivity

Well it's been a laid back week where I haven't accomplished very much. I've finished several pages of my colouring book (a well-invested pound), watched Firefly (love it 100%), had a long overdue Skype date with the beautiful Sarah, had dinner with some friends from church, had lunch with a friend from church, knocked over some Monopoly places (Fleet Street, The Strand, etc), rediscovered some old classics on Spotify, and in a couple of hours hopefully my tooth will be fixed! They hadn't actually booked me in on Wednesday (grr) so they made an appointment for this morning. Kind of a bummer, because I was planning to go to Oxford for the day. Ah well. I'll do some cleaning and stuff. Maybe rent Serenity...

Am I wasting this time? See for me, a holiday is about relaxing. Am I missing out if I don't travel because I'd be forcing myself to? I like wandering around London but after a couple of hours I just get tired and want to go home. Of course I want to explore the countryside but I've never done anything like that before - not on my own - and it's hard to know where to start. And would I be doing it because people think I should? Because they'd think I was lazy if I didn't? Isn't it OK to just live life boringly sometimes? I'm an introvert. I like having time to myself. I like sitting in my room sharpening pencils listening to 90s pop not worrying about where I have to be or what I'll eat. I don't mind missing out on another bunch of nice old buildings and a big castle if it means I can get to know my new church family just a little bit better. So rolling hillsides can wait until next week.

Pong

This post is a top up on gooey feely and boring life stuff. The weather is just lovely - it's been 26, though locals say "Oh my gosh it's 30 degrees outside. Sooo hot. Ugh, the heat!" I've burnt myself in the kitchen five times since moving here: twice today being hot oil on my foot and an oven tray on my wrist. Last week was an oven tray to the forearm. Maybe it's because I'm spending more time properly cooking than I ever have... surely that's not true? Anyway I've finished Drop Dead Diva and moved onto Torchwood. Geez it's graphic sometimes. Much rougher than Doctor Who. I know that I'm using TV as a wind down, but I don't think that's such a bad thing. Apart from the two hours off in the morning while Little Miss is at nursery it's a long day. I think I'll be joining an evening bible study this week. Today was good, mostly. I skyped my family. Man I miss you guys. Sometimes (and I've probably written this before) I wonder why I left behind the best five people in the world, as well as a great town with a great church full of really great people who are dear friends, a good job, a good car, a slightly less than OK university (hmm anyway) to come here where I don't know anybody. I didn't even know that the plural of pennies is pence and that there are one hundred in a pound when I arrived. I think half of my feeling-alien-ness comes from growing up in the country and now living in a wealthy part of London. But it's beautiful, and I really like my new church. On Thursday I'll have been here for two months - WOW! That second month whizzed by like a four year old girl on a scooter (you'd be surprised! It's a good thing I can run in my new flip flops!).

And here endeth the reel. I have the windows open because it's hot and I'm on the third floor, but something outside reeks so it's time I put my face in the pillow. In, not on.

Sunny Day in London

Ah finally the Blogger app for iPhone has allowed horizontal typing. Here is a happy post after I put all the whinging in an email to my mum - sorry mum!

Well I've spent a beautiful day starting with church, following on with a church barbeque which I was kindly & spontaneously invited to, finishing with church in the evening. Right now I'm in the park killing time before hand but I prefer to do that than go home and turn around again. It's such a sunny day - I GOT SUNBURNT!  Not proud but very pleased with the weather.

This church is unlike St Marks in that the services are not considered separate congregations or even separate churches, but the evening is more of an add-on for those wanting a slightly less formal and organy do, hence it's a wee bit smaller.

I've been Christened 'Jesso' after admitting that some people back home do in fact call me that. Introducing the word 'bogan' caused a huge sensation, but 'wife beater' didn't really compute. I can't believe so many people here watch Neighbours. 'What? No badgers?' 'The mullet, that's an Australian hairdo right?' 'Have you eaten kangaroo?' I could say yes to that last one happily. 

Oh I still have to write a post about my Tower Hill explorations yesterday. For now here's a picture of something yummy I have not seen in Australia - it looks like an ordinary Snickers bar but it's ice cream!!

We could all use the fresh air

People have been asking about the church I visited last Sunday night, and since there's nothing else to write about really, I thought I'd better oblige and expand on "yes."

Finding it was easy enough, but even though it was only a 6 minute tube ride, altogether it took 50 minutes to get there what with walking to the station and from the station to the church. Half an hour to get home. The weather is splendid now though and the sun goes to bed so late (not dark at 10pm!! It's killing me, I wake up at 4am instead of 5am now and doze shallowly till I get up), so anyway it's really nice outside in the evening.

It had tapestries, yes, but it's a much newer building and so people aren't there for the big old organ (there was none, but a drum kit). I was welcomed really genuinely (it makes a WORLD of difference if someone greets you kindly and someone comes and sits with you and is friendly and helpful. Seriously). The teaching was good and there were lots of songs. I didn't know any of them but I recognised the authors - you know, the 1970s crowd like Keith Getty and then some Stuart Townend.
After the service the welcoming continued (another important thing); it was almost as if they weren't letting me out the door till I'd met half a dozen people and declined the invitation to the young-people's-kick-on... twice. I liked it. I'm going back.

OK... the last time I watched Narnia I teared up, it was the fourth time this week. This time though the voices are grinding on my nerves so before I let it affect what goes into this post (too late?) I'm going to finish by saying that today I was outside in the sun with a T-shirt and was sweaty! Second summer this year, bring it on!!!

When I'm me, I'm punning.

It actually feels like summer. I had no sleeves outside at 6:30pm and sweated in my boots. It is looking up my friends! I tried elderflower cordial the other day, my host mum bought it because it's a very British thing, and it's yummy. I made a roast vegetable lasagna this week which actually worked! And then I made bolognese the next day and ate beef. Not that I'm a big meet head at all, but I don't remember the last time I ate pork in Australia. After burning myself on the oven I peeled a fair piece of skin off of my thumb, it bled a lot. But I'm not letting that bruise my cooking esteem. (Haha, steam.)

Just an aside: so far I gather that British people think Australia is this huge, glorious expanse of relaxed holiday park where the roads are straight and smooth, and people loll about all day by the pool digesting their barbeque lunch before they head to the beach. We all love cricket and rugby (?) and every day is hot and lovely and people live in Sydney, Perth, Adelaide and um... Queensland. When I'm describing where I'm from I don't bother saying halfway between Sydney and Brisbane like I would to a naive Aussie, I shape my fingers to a rough outline of Australia and point "somewhere around there." "Six hours north of Sydney" is the other one. I'm sure not everyone is that uninformed but it's fun to generalise, right?

And I visited the FIEC church nearby this night and... Yes. I think yes. Much I could write but that is all for now.

The British Museum - love the black security guard's face. Oops.

I changed my mind - here are some photos of the last few days.

Armidalesque clouds I feel

Books in the BM library. Loved it.
(Don't look closely at the reflection..)

3500ish year old dead guy in his grave. Wow.
(Sorry about the reflection)

V&A - no photos of stuff inside. Go there.

Elephants!! BM shop.

As I reach for the remote..

Today was a pretty good day. Twelve hours on is a long time... but mostly alright considering I only left the house once to chuck some old spinach on a pot plant. The kids and I are getting to know each other - it's so much more than trivia, knowing somebody. Once you begin to grasp how somebody ticks and what matters to them, and how they react to certain things, you know how to act. You know what to say. We're commencing that part of our friendship, and deep trust will be on the way soon. Lots of fun has to happen first though, and there's been a lot already. The weather's looking a little better for the rest of the week, so hopefully there are some adventurous days ahead.

Oh dear, I'm sounding so cheesy. To be honest, we all watched waaaay too much nickelodeon (that was in my spell check?!?) today. American teen sit coms seem so clean and whatever, but are deceptively and trashily (also in spell check apparently) addictive. They put those slightly sophisticated jokes in and everyone is just so glossy...

Well would you prefer I write that I'm just about to sit back to some moderately-less-rubbishy medieval-adventure-drama? I wrote in an email the other day that since I have no friends, I think I have replaced them with TV. (!$%#$%!) But that's fine, I'm trying out a nearby church this Sunday night and from what I see it's a DIVERSE congregation. We'll see.

Helloooo 1192...

Almost forgot a title.

The don't have mailboxes here.

Oh and my iPhone woke up, I tried turning it on again and it said "charge me, fool!" So I did. Now it's fine. Jerk.

Church yesterday was nice, the people really are friendly. The congregation was a lot smaller, partly due to Bank Holiday Monday being today. I've got another day off to sit around on Spotify and watch Robin Hood... I was thinking I might zip into the city again but I'm not sure what I'd do, and what would be open.

Anyway here are some photos I took on Saturday. I got off at Baker Street and when I came above ground the photo on the right is the first thing I saw. It's not real! Rude! There was a building exactly like it right next door, but a man was standing on his balcony so I didn't take a photo. Then again, if you live in Central London you would probably expect that kid of thing.
So I went left to Regent's Park. It was really pretty! Huge, though. I didn't see the whole thing.

After this photo he ran almost to my feet!
But he was off before I could zoom out.

There was a 'buggy push' for a charity or something.

At least I didn't go super tacky
and take a photo with me in it.

That was the queue to get into the Sherlock Holmes museum at 221B.
Obviously, I saved that for another day.

Not sure what this building was,
but there are some buses.

Anyway they're just a few snaps. As I said before I didn't go far or see very much, but I'm here for a year. I can space it out. Being on foot is fun and not at all stressful - I never got lost. But it's tiring.

For next time I might book some tickets for Madame Tussauds (man, you should have seen THAT queue) and the zoo.

Not much more to say, really. I miss home awfully. The people at the local church are very friendly but I'm still waiting to see younger people... away for Bank Holiday Monday, I presume. They had a visiting preacher now that they are in vacancy. I went along and couldn't help thinking that I could change everything but that's pretty stupid - I have a lot to fix up myself. I don't remember why I left home but I hope one day I'll be really glad that I did.

I burnt myself on the oven rack,
but it'd be fine if you thought tiger.

Can I also just say that arranging photos in a post is like arranging sheep on a road. Don't blame me if it looks bad.